


Won't You Dance with Me, Lover of My Soul? (To the Song of all Songs)

by sarcastic_fina



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship to Love, Moving On, Traveling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 13:32:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 36,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcastic_fina/pseuds/sarcastic_fina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Three-Parts] A journey toward 'someday.' Stefan moves on and falls madly in love without even knowing it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](http://dhfreak.tumblr.com/post/50061054258/tvd-title-wont-you-dance-with-me-lover-of-my)

  
**PART I  
** **-** _Moving On_ **-**

The sun was setting, casting a muted glow over the sleepy town around them. It was quiet; though, if she tried, she was sure she could hear more. The voices not far off, laughter reaching a crescendo at Mystic Grill, the heartbeats of entwined lovers as they walked through the square, the bustle of cars driving down this road or that. But she didn't extend her ears, didn't search for life outside of the twosome they made, walking side by side, footsteps falling in tune with each other.

They had taken to doing this more often lately. Life had settled down in Mystic Falls, no danger lurking around every corner, and so they walked to fill up the empty time and space. No destination in mind really, just fidgety feet, needing to move.

"We can't stay here," he declared, with all the honest finality she expected of him.

She'd been waiting for this, really. It was only a matter of time.

Elena had left several months ago, stating that she needed a change of scenery if she was ever truly going to get over everything that had happened. She needed to find herself again and she couldn't do it in a place that only ever seemed to drag her down.

Bonnie had followed in her footsteps, though not in the same direction. She'd taken Jeremy with her and searched for somewhere they would be safe, where they wouldn't have to fear the supernatural destroying their lives.

Three months later, Matt had packed his things and decided he needed a break from Mystic Falls too; he'd decided to go back-packing across Europe. While she had worried and fussed, Caroline was reassured by Matt's smile, his easy acceptance that life would be different now and he had to grab hold of it and shape it to what he wanted.

Damon had left too, but they weren't sure where. After Elena's departure, he'd sunk into a depression, heavily encouraged by his drinking habits. And then, one morning, he just wasn't there anymore. He'd left the boarding house without an explanation and hadn't contacted them since.

It was just Stefan and Caroline now, the only two who remained from their group.

Caroline was trapped between finding comfort in the familiarity of Mystic Falls and the desire to be elsewhere, to know more than just the small town that had been filled with nothing but death and loss these last few years. She recognized that the others had made the right choice; getting out was good for them.

Bonnie called and emailed and reassured her that she was happy, that she and Jeremy were settling elsewhere, that there hadn't been any unusual events that might tip the weird scale against them.

Matt sent postcards, posted updates and pictures on Facebook, and texted often. He was happy, Caroline could tell. His smile had only grown and the weariness around his eyes had faded. He was free, he was better off outside of Mystic Falls, and she was happy for him.

They didn't hear from Elena or Damon, but Caroline thought, she  _hoped_ , they were doing okay. She wouldn't be surprised to find they were together but, given how certain Elena had been that she needed to be alone, she doubted it.

"Do you think you'll miss it?" she wondered, tucking her hands in the back pockets of her jeans as she turned her head to consider Stefan.

He cast his eyes around, brow furrowed, and took in the familiar landscape. The tree boughs hung heavy under thick, green leaves. The sky was a bright, cloudless blue. The air was cool, and the scent of blooming flowers passed faintly.

"Despite everything… it's  _home_."

She nodded. Regardless of all that had happened, she had grown up here, and maybe it wasn't the town itself but the people that had come looking to destroy it. She had a lot of good memories in Mystic Falls; it was just the last few years that had eclipsed them with so many awful things. Things she never wanted to see again, things she was happy to have avoided this long. But perhaps staying in Mystic Falls meant living on a countdown. It was safe for now, but how long until it got bad again? Maybe if they left, everything supernatural and evil would leave too. And then, when she returned, it would be the home she wanted it to be again.

Besides, hadn't she always wanted to get out? Hadn't that been her dream back when Mystic Falls was just a tiny town that offered little to her in way of excitement? It had certainly filled more than its quota for that but it was never what she wanted. Now, she had the whole world waiting for her outside city limits and this was an opportunity to see it. Before, it had been a dream, a hope, and now reality was waiting for her.

"So where do we go?"

"Where do you want to go?" He turned to look at her, his lips curled in a faint smile. "You have the world at your disposal, Caroline… Say the word, we'll go there."

She eyed him thoughtfully before taking a few steps forward, trying for nonchalant as she asked, "And you'll be there the whole time…? You won't pull a Damon and leave me in the middle of the night? No warning or note or anything?" She wasn't sure she was hiding her anxiety well. They were the last two and, while Caroline had learned to adapt to a lot, she didn't want to lose him too.

His eyes fell, a muscle ticking in his jaw. He considered her concerns for a long moment before he reached for elbow, turning her so she faced him. "I'm tired of trying to do this alone," he admitted. "If there's anything I've learned it's how important it is to keep those I care about close… So, for as long as you'll have me, I'll be here."

She grinned then, her eyes softening. "Good, because I wasn't looking forward to being on my own. I'm a social creature! I like company."

He chuckled under his breath. "I've noticed."

She bumped his shoulder then, rolling her eyes. "Come on… Let's do some research, see what's out there… Maybe there's a road trip ahead of us. Or,  _ooh_ , we could pull a Matt and see how backpacking fits."

His lips folded in a knowing frown. "Somehow I can't see you sleeping in a hostel."

She gave an exaggerated shudder. "Okay, point taken. Sawthat movie,  _totally_  not looking for that in my life."

Smothering his urge to laugh, he waved an arm forward for her to walk ahead, set on going back to the boarding house.

As they made their way to his place, Caroline entertained him with a constant buzz of chatter, telling him about all the places she'd wanted to go as a child, most of them well-known cities all over Europe; Paris, London, Rome. She loved the idea of being a tourist, of exploring cities and taking pictures and having no real set destination. He walked beside her, arms crossed behind his back, smiling as she became more and more animated with each place she thought they could visit.

When they reached the boarding house that night, Caroline immediately made her way upstairs to his bedroom, taking a seat at his desk and loading his laptop eagerly. Stefan grabbed a few blood bags from downstairs before joining her, all the while wondering to himself just how long they would be away. If time would pass quickly, or slow and leisurely. He was happy to get away, to put Mystic Falls behind him for a while. It had been too long since he was able to relax completely, to go on an adventure like traveling without the pressures of being hunted or solving the next murder mystery that cropped up.

Stefan had the kind of income at his disposal that could take them anywhere, and he was fully prepared to do just that. Standing beside his desk, he watched as Caroline lit up while she looked through tourist logs, visiting sites with the top 10 places everyone should see in their lifetime. She researched each city she really wanted to see and then wrote down the best places to visit, like the Louvre, the canals of Venice, Sistine Chapel, the coliseum, and Stonehenge.

Looking at the screen over her shoulder, he nodded at her long list. "Book the flight," he told her simply.

Her brow furrowed. "To which one?" She looked up at him, her brows hiked. "There's so many, Stefan."

"Any of them.  _All_ of them."

She blinked, her brows hiking. "You're serious…?"

"Why not?"

She stared at him a long moment, considering the situation, what all had happened, what it meant for them to do this, and, finally, she said, "Okay."

"Okay."

It was settled.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

Two days later, Caroline stood on the porch of her childhood home, saying goodbye to her mother. A strong breeze blew past, rustling the trees, blowing a few leaves from their branches, and making the chains of the porch swing jangle. Her luggage was piled up next to her, just short of the two short, brick steps that met the cement path leading to the curb.

"I  _promise_ ," Caroline emphasized, holding her mom by the shoulders and smiling at her encouragingly. "My phone will always be charged, you can call me any time. And I'll send postcards! And we'll email and text and  _everything_ , okay?"

Liz frowned, but nodded. "Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for you. I think it's great that you're getting out, seeing the world, but…" She stared at her searchingly. "It's so abrupt, and you don't even know where you'll be in one, two, three weeks…"

"That's the best part! We get to explore as long as we want. Maybe we'll get bored and want to move on." She shrugged. "All I know is I'm finally getting out of here, I'm  _finally_ seeing the world…"

Helpless to her daughter's excitement, Liz nodded, smiling. "Okay… Okay, as long as you're excited."

"I am." She laughed joyfully then and pulled her mom in for another hug, the third she'd given her in the last hour. She didn't let go until she heard Stefan's car pull up to the curb, and even then she simply stepped to the side, watching him walk up to her house, half-smiling.

He nodded his head in a hello to Liz before he pointed at the suitcases by Caroline's feet. "Is this everything?"

"Yes," she said, bending to grab them. "I can carry them. Is the trunk unlocked?"

He took them from her hands, shaking his head. "It's fine. I've got it." He walked them down to his car and Caroline couldn't help but appreciate that he understood how hard it was for her to say goodbye and that she didn't want to waste even a second of it. Yes, she was looking forward to this trip and she'd wanted out of Mystic Falls for a while, but she still felt sad about leaving her mom. And worse, with everything that had happened over the last few years, she couldn't help but worry that she wouldn't be there to keep Liz safe.

"I'm not Sheriff for nothing," her mother said, as if reading her mind. "I knew about vampires long before you did, remember?" She grinned up at her. "I can handle myself, Caroline… And besides, it's not up to you to keep me safe."

"I know, but… Some things are stronger than a gun… They don't slow down because you shoot them."

"Things have been quiet lately," she reassured before turning to face her. "Listen, I know you're worried, but your life doesn't need to be put on hold… This is a great opportunity for you. You've always wanted this, remember?"

"Of course, I just… I  _worry_."

"Well don't." Liz took her hands and squeezed them. "Just call and email and take tons of pictures, okay? And when you get back, you'll see that everything was fine."

Caroline gnawed at her lip, but she nodded. "Okay. Well… I guess this is goodbye, for now…"

Liz pulled her in for another hug, squeezing her tight, running a hand down her hair affectionately. "Be safe over there… And have  _fun_."

"I will."

"I love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

With a heavy sigh, Liz finally stood back, smiling sadly before she brushed Caroline's hair back from her face.

Nodding, she turned and started toward the car.

"Call me when you get there," Liz told her.

"I will."

"And maybe when you get on the airplane."

"Okay."

"Are sure you have everything?"

"Yes, Mom," she assured as she climbed into the car.

Liz bit her lip, but nodded, trying to let them go.

Stefan closed the door to Caroline's side and was about to circle the car when Liz called for him.

He walked back to her, smiling understandingly.

"I know she's strong and she doesn't need it, she's capable and smart and a lot more resourceful than I give her credit for, but…" She swallowed tightly. "Just promise me you'll keep her safe."

He nodded. "Always."

She stared at him searchingly before finally nodding. "Okay." She reached out and rubbed his arm. "You too, Stefan… You've been a great friend to Caroline and, a lot has happened but… I trust you, and I want you to be okay too."

His expression softened. "Thank you."

Caroline rolled down the window then. "Mom, I love you, but we really have to go."

Stefan laughed under his breath.

"Okay, okay. Go." Liz shooed them off and stood back, putting on a stoic face even though her smile was wavering and her concern shone clearly in her eyes.

Stefan joined Caroline in the car and looked at her. "Ready?"

"I think so." She turned her head out the window and waved.

Stefan honked as they pulled away.

Liz walked down the path, waving after them, watching them until they were out of sight.

The drive to the airport was filled mostly with the radio, and Caroline's occasional singing along. It wasn't until they were sitting in first class, en route to London, that she said what had been on her mind since they pulled away from her house.

"We're really doing this…" Her voice was low with shock.

Stefan grinned at her, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "We really are."

She knotted their fingers and smiled. "Thank you," she murmured sincerely.

He shook his head. "We're doing this together. You're doing me a favor by being here with me."

"You say that now…" Her brows arched. "You're going to regret it when I get distracted with all the pretty things they sell and make you go shopping."

He laughed, his head falling back, and turned a fond smile on her. "I think I'll survive."

Caroline leaned over and pressed her head to his shoulder. "I think we're doing the right thing."

He nodded. "We are."

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

Arriving in London, for Caroline, was both exhilarating and terrifying. This was her first taste of freedom and she wasn't sure what she wanted to do first. They had planned to spend two weeks and she suddenly felt the time restraint like a noose. She wanted to know and see everything London had to offer.

"Overwhelmed?" Stefan asked, resting their luggage on the ground next to his feet.

She laughed breathlessly. "Is it that obvious?"

He merely grinned reassuringly. "Why don't we head to the hotel first? We'll figure out where we want to go from there."

She nodded, glad that he was taking charge. It was usually her who had everything planned to a T, so it was nice to hand the reins over to someone else for once. She was sure she'd get back her 'control freak' streak soon, but for now, he was much more adept at traveling than she was, and she would let him take the lead.

Seeing as it was already quite late, they decided to have dinner and save the exploring for the following morning.

As they sat in her suite, a room service cart by their table, Caroline was already quick to make suggestions. "So obviously we're going to see Big Ben and the Eye and all of that, but would it be too much to get some shopping done, first thing?"

He grinned, raising an eyebrow. "You have the whole of London to tour around and your first thought is shopping?"

Caroline rolled her eyes. "We have two weeks, right? So why not get it out of the way?" She bounced in her seat and pouted her lips. " _Please?_ Come on, we'll get you an I-heart-London shirt!"

Shaking his head in amusement, he said, "Whatever you want. Shopping it is."

" _Yay!_ " She clapped her hands together happily.

The following morning, with the patience of a saint, Stefan sat on a cushy, red velvet couch, tapping his fingers against his knee as he waited for her. This was the fourth store they'd visited since they left their hotel this morning. All the rest, however, hadn't carried anything that caught her eye, so they'd quickly been dismissed. The opposite was true of this store.

Caroline had gone into one of the dressing rooms with her arms filled to the brim with clothing of every color under the sun. He could hear her muttering to herself over what she didn't like, tossing it over the door to be taken away by a sales person. She whittled them down to her favorites before opening the door to show them off to him. From sundresses to cute skirts, silk blouses to comfortable jeans, she twirled for him, smiling brighter with each find. He nodded encouragingly with every outfit, laughing when she came out wearing a huge, floppy, straw hat with a particularly nice yellow dress, tipping the brim at him as she winked.

Finally, she walked out of the dressing room in the clothes she arrived in, and let out a long sigh. "Lunch?"

He stood, nodding, and they walked to the front to pay for her many purchases before going for lunch down the street, bags swinging at their sides.

She wore the straw hat; she quite liked it.

If he was being honest, it looked cute on her, a throwback to summer days in the Virginia heat when he was human. He could imagine her in the bright green yard of the Salvatore plantation house, sitting with the other women of Mystic Falls, wearing dainty gloves and protecting her fair skin from the sun with her large hat or a pretty parasol. She would have fit right in back then.

After shopping and lunch, they headed back to her hotel suite to work out a more defined plan for their trip.

"We  _could_ just take it day by day, but we'll probably end up missing out on a lot of what we wanted to do or spending more time here than we originally planned," Caroline told him, as she gathered up her felts and her day planner. "So I'm thinking, maybe we'll each make a list of our top places to visit and I'll go online, find out all the times they're open, and plan it all out for us." She grinned up at him excitedly. "What do you think?"

"Are you going to make a pie chart too?" he teased.

Sticking her tongue out at him, she shook her head. "Just for that I'm adding another two shopping trips…"

"Okay, okay…" He laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'll make a list."

Pleased, she handed him a sheet of paper and a pen. "Thank you."

Between their two lists, a number of places were the same, including Piccadilly Square, Big Ben, the museums, and Buckingham Palace. Caroline was the only one who wanted to visit Madame Tussauds, but she convinced Stefan he would enjoy it, so she added it to their final list. With her colored markers and the help of the internet, she was able to plan out their next two weeks in a flexible schedule so they could fit everything in. She didn't want to get military style stiff about everything; she wanted them to have fun, and she didn't want her inner-control freak to ruin it for them.

It turned out two weeks was just enough time. They managed to see everything, just as planned, and had a great time doing it, even if Stefan thought he might have gone temporarily blind from the flash of the camera Caroline brought with her everywhere. Despite his reticence, he even enjoyed Madame Tussauds, or, at least, Caroline's critiquing eye as she picked apart each celebrity with her large pop culture knowledgebase. He didn't even mind when Caroline convinced him to go shopping a few more times, going so far as to buy an I-heart-London shirt at her suggestion.

His favorite part of their trip didn't come until their last day though, when they found themselves on the London Eye. It was a 30-minute trip overall and they booked ahead, each enjoying a tall glass of Pommery Brut Royal champagne as they looked out on the scenery, lit by the setting sun. They stared out at the South Bank of the Thames, with Caroline nearly pressed up against the glass of the egg-shaped capsule they rode in.

"It's beautiful," she told him, pressing a hand against the glass, her other holding a flute of champagne.

He watched her, the onset of dusk sending shadows over her face. She was wearing one of the dresses they'd bought in town; a pale blue number that made her eyes pop and her skin seem powder soft.

She glanced at him and he cast his eyes away, raising his champagne to take a sip. "It is," he agreed.

For a half hour, they moved around the capsule, taking in the broad view of London from above. He pulled her into a dance as music played over the speakers and she giggled as he dipped her back. All the while, Caroline eagerly took out her camera and took pictures, making him pose for her, his champagne raised.

She never uploaded them to Facebook or sent them to their friends or Liz, and when he asked her why she took so many, the answer was simple. "Memories." She leaned into his side as the sun finally set and the lights inside the capsule lit up to accommodate it. "I don't want to forget anything… Fifty, a hundred, a  _thousand_ years from now, I want to remember this. Not because I won't come back, because I probably will, but I want to remember the first time I experienced it. I want to remember what it was like when it was new to me."

He stared at her thoughtfully before turning his eyes out at the dark landscape. He'd never quite thought of it like that, but she was right. Sure, he could revisit these places; he could come back here any time. There was no rush. But that first time, that rush of exhilaration at exploring something new, it was unique. He smiled then, because these memories, these first times, would be shared with her. And there was something comforting about that.

He clinked his glass with hers and let himself enjoy it, taking in every shadow, every building top, every noise and smell. And he promised he would continue to do so for the rest of their travels.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

Next they went to Paris for a few weeks.

Still a little jetlagged from the flight, Stefan quickly found himself lying across his bed in their newly rented hotel suite. With his legs crossed at the ankle and an arm tucked behind is head, he simply laughed when an eager Caroline held up her day planner, a sheet of paper, and her bag of markers. When he nodded agreeably, she happily jumped onto the bed next to him, making herself comfortable on her stomach, and handed him his paper before she got to work on hers.

Just like in London, they each made their lists of where they wanted to go. Caroline put check marks beside each of the doubles, putting them at the top of the list for must-see sites. Stefan grinned as Caroline got to work; in full planning mode, she sat at his laptop, muttering to herself as she checked times and put together a color coded schedule they could follow.

They took the night off, but by the following morning they were in full tourist mode. For the next three weeks, they visited museums like the Louvre and Musee d'Orsay, they posed outside the Eiffel Tower, admired the gothic beauty of Notre Dame Cathedral, stood under the Arc de Triomphe, and took a boat tour on the Siene River.

Ironically enough, in their second week, they thought it only fitting to walk through Pere-Lachaise Cemetery, referred to by those in Paris as ' _la cite des morts_ ,' or 'the city of the dead.' For a better experience, they went later in the afternoon, giving the cemetery a darker glow. A cool breeze rustled the trees, the leaves and branches crowding together above their heads like eerie, reaching fingers. They followed the winding paths, reading names and dates off the tombstones, some of them faded or crumbling from age, others in surprisingly good condition, with moss creeping in around the edges.

"This is morbid," she told him, hugging her jacket a little tighter around her.

Stefan shrugged. "I like it."

Reaching over, she shoved his shoulder lightly.

He chuckled under his breath and caught her hand as it fell, tangling their fingers and pulling her into his side. "Death is supposed to fascinate us."

Her nose wrinkled. "I'm pretty sure it's supposed to scare us."

He shook his head. "Death is the end, yes, but it's not always terrible…" He looked over the headstones and paused on two, pointing to them in the distance. "You see them?"

She squinted, reading them off to him for confirmation.

"They were married, probably spent decades together. Had children, grew old, had a whole life. And when the adventure was over, when their kids were grown and they'd experienced everything they could, it was time to go."

Slipping an arm around his waist, she turned to look at him, her brow furrowed thoughtfully. "We don't grow old, Stefan… We have an  _eternity_ to do everything we could ever want…"

"But that's just it." He looked at her. "Their time was limited and they still probably accomplished more than we ever could. They fell in love, they had kids, grandkids, they left a legacy behind, they had the limits of age and death resting precariously close, but they didn't let it stop them…"

Her brow furrowed. "You think we take it for granted, being as strong as we are, living as long as we do."

His lips pressed in a thin line. "I think it's easy to forget what's important…"

She rested her chin on his shoulder and stared up at him. "So who says we will? We're traveling, we're not idle, we're taking advantage of life…" She shook her head. "I don't know what comes next, but I do know that there is no way we're going to waste our lives…" She held a hand up then, her pinkie raised. "Come on, I'll promise to make sure your life is filled to the brim, and you do the same for me?"

His lips curled as he stared down at her finger, breaking into a full grin when she wiggled it at him impatiently. He reached up and curled his around it. "I promise."

"Me too."

They stared at the two headstones a moment longer before Caroline said, "How do you know they had good lives anyway? Maybe they were really boring… Maybe they weren't even married! She could've been his sister and had eight cats. He could've been a gay man who never got to follow his heart and marry his true love. They lived out their days, depressed, bitter, and lonely."

He looked down at her, his brows hiked.

"Perspective," she said, shrugging.

He laughed, kissed her forehead, and started them moving again, his arm wrapped around her.

Regardless of what life the two owners of the tombstones led, he and Caroline had a brighter future ahead of them.

Much of their last week in Paris was spent shopping, which he'd soon realized was her favorite pastime. She did like tasting the local cuisine though and, one night in her hotel room, Stefan was never more amused than when she tried escargot, only to choke it back up and tell him it was awful before wiping at her tongue with her napkin.

"Shut up," she muttered.

He put the silver cover back on the dish and placed it back on the room service cart. Grabbing up a bowl of strawberries, he joined her on the balcony once more, where she was admiring the lit up EiffelTower in the distance, sipping from a blood bag to rid the flavor from her mouth and resting her feet on the wrought iron railing.

He offered her the bowl and she took a strawberry, passing him the half-empty blood bag, her lips stained red, and sunk her teeth into the fresh fruit.

"I like it here," she told him. "Even if they eat snails."

He chuckled. "Not all of them do, it just happens to be an acquired taste."

Humming, she wrinkled her nose. Tossing her strawberry top toward the table, she took another from the bowl. "Do you think when we're done exploring, we'll come back to certain places? Like maybe they'll stand out to us more…"

He shrugged. "Sure, if you want."

"Not just if  _I_ want to." Rolling her eyes, she turned to face him. "If there's ever any place we go and it just hits you, y'know, like  _this is the place_ … This is a place you want to be again! Then we'll come back."

He watched her, the way her chin was set and her lips pursed with determination. "If I find that place, I'll let you know."

"Good." She turned back to face the Tower. "I just want you to remember that this isn't just for me… I mean,  _yes_ , you're doing me a huge favor. There's no  _way_ I'd be able to see half of these places without you. But this vacation or adventure or whatever you want to call this… It's  _ours_. Mine  _and_ yours. So you need to be just as active, okay? You have as much of a say."

He smiled at her, though she couldn't see it. "I'm enjoying myself, Caroline. I traveled a lot before; I've seen a lot of these places already. Not all of the tourist sites, and I can probably show you a few that are off the beaten path, but there're still some I haven't explored." He held out a ripe, red strawberry for her. "Trust me, this is the most fun I've had in a long time."

She grinned, and accepted the strawberry.

Settling back, she stared admiringly at the Tower.

"Did you still want to try caviar? I know you're still traumatized from the escargot…" he teased.

Laughing, she shoved his shoulder. "Shut up."

He chuckled under his breath.

They spent much of the night just like that, enjoying the peace.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

Barcelona was their next stop. Florence, Rome, and Naples followed.

They met other tourists who told them where to go next, who encouraged them to visit smaller cities, with beautiful sights and histories that often went overlooked. Stefan was happy to show her some of the lesser-known attractions he'd found during his own travels. She found she liked them better; they weren't as crowded and they held some unique appeal that fewer eyes had enjoyed them.

Months passed, no longer counted, and that was all they did. They went where few had been, they followed the advice of others, both locals and expert travelers, and they searched every new place with a passion.

Caroline loved finding the markets, even if they were overpriced. He indulged her. Smiling as she swathed herself in silk scarves and jangled gold and silver bracelets on her wrist. She fawned over handmade jewelry and stopped to talk to everyone who encouraged her to see what they were selling. She sat and had a woman draw henna all up her arm, from the tips of her fingers to the curve of her shoulder, in intricate detail. She had her palm read by another. She made him take pictures, and posed for each one with a smile that only seemed to get brighter. She trusted other tourists to hold the camera as they stood together, her arms around his waist and her cheek pressed to his as she laughed joyfully as the flash went off.

Caroline was in her element when they traveled.

She looked happy when she explored, when she met new people and learned their stories. Even when they got lost in Tuscany, her brow furrowed as they sat on a bench with her looking at the map in confusion. The old, wooden bench was under a tree, the long branches of which blocked out the hot sun. A few feet behind them was a crumbled stone wall, part of a house that no longer stood there. They'd wandered off as they were talking, not quite paying attention to their surroundings, and now they weren't sure where they were.

Despite this being her first trip to Italy, she seemed to think that, given time, she would be able to get them back to where they started. If there was anything he knew about Caroline, it was that she was stubborn, determined, and couldn't be argued with if she thought she was right. So he sat back, his fingers knotted over her stomach, and enjoyed the sprawling yellow-green hills before him as she fussed over her map. Her cell phone had long since died so they couldn't rely on GPS, and he'd, not so conveniently, left his back at the hotel.

When she started muttering to herself, aggravated, he took out the camera and took a picture of it.

She frowned at him. " _Seriously!?_ "

He grinned. "Memories."

She rolled her eyes, but her lips quirked with a smile.

"Want help now?"

She sighed and thrust the map toward him.

When they eventually found their way back, in part because he asked somebody for directions, she looked over at him and said, "Always looking out for me."

He laughed lightly. "You don't make it easy for me."

She bumped his shoulder with hers. "Well, how about I make it up to you then?" Her eyes lit up hopefully. "Dinner, dancing, some wine, awesome company…"

"Sure." He nodded. "Any place you have in mind?"

"Well… I was talking to this girl, Ilsa, she sells these pretty bracelets just down from our hotel, and she said that on Fridays there's a little restaurant that puts up tables on the street outside. They set up a projector and play a movie on a wall for everybody to watch and it's  _always_ a musical, so a lot of people end up dancing through most of it. What do you think?"

"Sounds like fun."

"Right?!" She bounced a little on spot, clapping her hands together happily. It never ceased to amaze him that after all this time, these things still made her excited. After all that she'd seen and done, the simplest of things still spurred the same joy inside her. It was refreshing. Leaving Mystic Falls had been the best decision; she was able to flourish.

They went down to the restaurant Ilsa had suggested and got a table near the middle. It was dressed in a blue and white checkered cloth, a small red candle burned in the center, and a bowl of sliced, freshly baked bread rested to the right of it, the scent of which made his mouth water. Ten or twelve other tables were set up, each filled with a couple in some stage of relationship, from old and long-married to young and newly in love.

The menu was strictly in Italian; it was all the waiters and waitresses spoke too. Stefan explained each dish to her and, when she decided what she wanted, ordered for them both. Handmade pasta and a bottle of red wine was brought out to them as they sat back and watched the movie, a love story without subtitles. Caroline followed it somehow, never even asking him to translate for her. She just watched their reactions, their body language, a smile pulling at her lips and tears filling her eyes as the two main characters fell for each other. She was always a sucker for a happy ending. Stefan thought he might have spent more time watching Caroline than he did the movie; she was so emotive. She clapped at the happy ending, whistling sharply in approval, not caring if anybody else appreciated her commentary.

When the credits rolled and the main song played, he stood, taking her hand and leading her out to dance with the others, swaying beside a couple who couldn't be younger than 80.

Dancing was kind of their thing, he found himself thinking. Both in and out of Mystic Falls, they somehow always ended up in each other's arms. They'd danced in London as they hovered at the top of the London Eye; in France as the hotel they were staying in celebrated 100 years; in the streets of Rome when a man played his guitar and shared a beautiful love song, his hat out for any tips. And now, here, on the cobbled streets of Florence, they swayed together, his hand on the small of her back, the soft fabric of her dress under his fingers. He held her other hand in the air, their fingers knotted together. Her hand curled around his shoulder, tugging lightly at his collar. The shirt he wore was unbuttoned down to the middle, the heat making too much clothing feel claustrophobic. A breeze, cooled by the blanket of night, rustled by, skating over his bare skin soothingly.

He knew the song that was playing, he noticed; "Tu Per Me." As he and Caroline moved together, he soon found himself singing under his breath, " _Io con te saro per sempre giovane, e con te vivro un tempo utile, poi con te volero sopra le nuvole, con te mai freddo io avro_ …"

Caroline turned her head, watching his lips, and smiled gently.

She had a flower in her hair and the scent wafted over him, soft and sweet. His cheek found hers and their movements slowed. His eyes fell to half-mast and his fingers moved in tiny circles along her back.

He would look back later on that moment and wonder if that was when things changed, shifted, but he couldn't be sure. Sometimes he thought it might have been the same moment they decided to leave Mystic Falls together, other times he thought it was a slow burn that snuck up on him when he wasn't paying attention.

The couple beside them was talking, bickering Stefan thought, before the wife finally won.

In perfect Italian, the man wondered, "Sir? Pardon my prying… My wife is curious, you see… She enjoys a good love story." He smiled, the wrinkles of his face folding even more as he did.

Stefan raised a curious eyebrow but nodded. "How may I help?"

"She wonders… Is that your wife? You are newlyweds, yes?"

Stefan looked back at Caroline, who was watching them as they spoke, though she couldn't decipher what they were saying, as shown by the befuddled furrow of her brows.

He smiled back at the man and explained, "We are friends… Very good friends."

The man's wife did not seem to agree and let out a scoff, tossing her head back, her silver hair swaying, and muttered disagreements under her breath.

Her husband merely grinned at her before turning back to Stefan. "A funny truth… The strongest love always starts with friendship." With that and a wink, the man swung his wife away, twirling her under his arm, smiling warmly as she giggled like a woman much younger than her years.

Stefan watched them go, mouth turned up at the corners with a smile.

"What was that?" Caroline wondered.

"Something to aspire to."

She didn't ask for him to explain further, leaving it at that, and he dipped her back until she laughed, forgetting all about it.

When the song ended, they parted, smiling at each other before returning to their table to pay and move on. They bypassed their hotel and took a walk instead, their hands twined together as they had often become in the months they'd spent abroad. It was second nature now and they rarely noticed. They walked through the dark streets of Florence, listening to the voices of others carry on the wind, and took comfort in the silence and the company of each other.

It was during these times that he wondered if eternity couldn't be happily spent just like this, with nobody else but her. No Damon, no Elena, no heartbreaking confusion at all. No Mystic Falls or werewolves or centuries old originals to try to turn things upside down. It was just freedom, warmth, and companionship in someone he knew he could trust.

Eventually, they made their way back to the hotel, and the following morning they set out for somewhere new.

He wondered if they would dance there too.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

They were in Ireland, seven months into their trip, when his control slipped. He'd been doing well. But as they walked over a mossy, stone bride at Sneem River, enjoying the Ring of Kerry for its natural beauty, their attention was caught by a few tourists, climbing precariously on some of the large, jagged rocks, looking for somewhere to get a good picture of their daring. It was little surprise when one slipped, and both Caroline and Stefan immediately moved forward to see if they were okay. That was when the scent hit him.

During the time they'd been traveling, he and Caroline had been drinking from blood bags snagged out of hospitals. Still human blood, but it took the victim out of the equation. Here, however, he could see a man, his elbow sporting a large gash, blood pouring down his forearm and dripping onto the rock beneath him.

The metallic scent hit Stefan hard and his mouth watered. Before he knew it, the drive to drink was thick upon him. His breathing became labored and his hands twitched. He could feel as his eyes darkened, as veins spidered beneath them, and his teeth elongated, sharp and ready for a taste.

"Stefan," he heard, a faint buzz through the rushing in his ears. "Stefan, look at me!"

He shook his head, pushing the sound away, getting ready to leap down and grab the man below, sink his teeth into his throat and  _suck_. He wanted to feel that warm blood flow freely down his throat, wet his lips and his tongue and dribble down his fingers. He wanted to tear the flesh open as wide as it would go and lick every drop that escaped.

And then Caroline was in front of him, her expression stern. Her hands rose up and cupped his face, firm and serious. She made him stare her in the eye and, when she was sure she had his attention, her face softened. " _Breathe_ ," she told him, mimicking her words as she took a deep breath. "Focus on me… You don't want that, you don't  _need_ that, you're stronger…" She nodded encouragingly.

At first, he didn't want to do that, he didn't want to breathe or focus, he just wanted to feed. But then Caroline was taking another breath, blowing it out between her lips. She didn't stop, waiting for him to join her. And, finally, he did. He let the scent of her shampoo, of her perfume, cover the blood still wet in the air. He breathed in the scent of apples and flowers and watched her lips pucker as she exhaled, smoothing out as she inhaled again. Her thumbs stroked back and forth over his cheeks soothingly and he leaned into her touch.

His teeth receded, his eyes cleared, and the desperation stopped clawing at him, but he was still shaking, blinking quickly.

"Good?" she asked, brows hiked.

He nodded, realizing suddenly that his hands were around her elbows, clutching at her, either to push her away or hold her close, he wasn't sure. Her hands fell from his face, pausing at his shoulders to squeeze reassuringly

"Come on," she said, turning on her heel.

"Doesn't he still need help?" Stefan wondered.

She shook her head, taking his hand and tugging him along behind her. "A few other people showed up; he'll be fine." Hooking her arm with his, she moved them down the bridge. "How are you feeling?"

"Not murder-y," he answered somewhat sarcastically, lips tipped wryly.

She laughed under her breath. "Always good."

He turned to look at her. "Thank you."

She shook her head. "I promised I would never let you lose control, remember?"

He smiled, nodding. "I think I promised you a traditional Irish stew, which a little restaurant we passed on the way in boasted was the  _best_ in all of Ireland."

She grinned. "Well, who could pass that up?"

There was something comforting, he realized, knowing that whatever happened, Caroline would be there. He was stronger, of course, and maybe if things had truly reached a point where he couldn't be convinced otherwise then she wouldn't have been able to stop him. But some part of him thought that just having her there, knowing that she would go to whatever lengths necessary to keep him from doing something he would regret, was enough.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

They spent the winter in Switzerland, staying in a ski resort in Eiger village. Caroline was excited for the week-long World Snow Festival. Having arrived early, they spent much of their time skiing, or at least Stefan did. Caroline wasn't much of a skier, nor she did particularly like how cold it was. But she liked the look of ice and snow from the warmth of their suite, looking out the window while she stayed warm by the fire, a mug of hot chocolate in hand.

It was Christmas Eve when he'd talked her into going for a walk and they'd gone to the end of the village to admire Gletscherschlucht, or Glacial Gorge. Before they set out, Caroline had put on more layers than he thought possible; he was pretty sure she had three scarves on. Even with all the added clothes, she still told him it was cold. She'd bought all new clothes for this winter excursion, thick pants and heavy sweaters, thermal socks and snow boots.

Glacial Gorge was beautiful. Worried about slipping on the ice, she reached out and took his hand as they hiked, admiring the glacial mills and pink and green marble blocks. They followed a path of footbridges, enjoying the rock galleries and tunnels. They spent hours looking around. Her hand, tucked in a thick, wool glove, stuck to his the whole time, only pulling away to open the backpack she'd brought with her, handing him a few snacks and bottles of water for them to enjoy when they sat down for a brief rest. He wasn't surprised when her camera came out soon after, capturing every moment. By the time they got back, her hair was sprinkled with snowflakes and her cheeks and nose were a bright, rosy red.

He wasn't going to ask her now, but he'd already talked to a few other tourists who recommended hiking along the Öpfelchüechliwäg trail. He couldn't count how many times he'd been told to stop at Brandegg mountain restaurant at the end of their hike, apparently the apple fritters were highly recommended. But, considering how much she was still shaking from their earlier outing, he figured it was better to wait until she defrosted to bring it up.

Caroline had traded in her three layers for a pair of loose-fitting pants and an oversized sweater that hung off one shoulder. She curled up on a chair next to the fire and admired the small tree the hotel staff had set up in their room, mostly decorated in real candles and silver bells.

For the last week, children from the village had been visiting homes and, wanting to include everyone, even knocking on doors at the hotel to hand out small gifts. Midnight mass was popular and loud bells would ring to call everyone in. Afterwards, families handed out ringli, or homemade doughnuts, and mugs of hot chocolate.

Caroline loved every minute of it, but couldn't help a pang of nostalgia, wondering what her mother might be doing back in Mystic Falls. She'd already called her twice that week and promised she would call again on Christmas Day. So far as she could tell, her mom was busy with the usual festivities Mystic Falls put on each year.

"Feeling homesick?" Stefan asked.

She turned her head to look at him, smiling lightly. "A little."

"So what did your family do on Christmas Eve when you were growing up?" he wondered.

She tipped her head thoughtfully. "We usually went to the festival in town square and then when we'd get home, I'd get to open  _one_ gift. It'd take me for _ever_  to pick which one. I was careful because I didn't want to pick the best one, I wanted to save that for last, but I didn't want to pick something lame either, like a coloring book." She wrinkled her nose.

He ducked his head, chuckling to himself.

"And then we'd watch  _It's A Wonderful Life_ …" She smiled. "I always fell asleep before it ended…"

He nodded.

"What about you? What did you do?"

He shrugged. "My mom died when I was young, I don't remember a lot of what it was like when she was still there… My dad, he liked having parties, so we always invited people over, filled the house with noise… When I was a kid, he would send us to bed early, said we weren't old enough to be around the cigar smoke and brandy…" He rolled his eyes. "But Damon and I would just hide on the stairs and watch everyone. We'd try to guess what they were talking about, what made them laugh… When we got a bit older, we were allowed to stay but we realized that the stories we came up with were a lot more interesting than reality… Sometimes I'd go up and sit on the stairs and try to make them all seem more interesting again. But I guess when you know what's really happened, playing dumb gets harder."

"What about later, after you turned, how did you celebrate Christmas then?"

He shrugged. "It depended… If Damon and I were getting along, sometimes we'd get together, but those times were rare and things mostly just got worse between us… I think I spent most of the big holidays with Lexi."

She smiled sympathetically. "You must miss her."

"I do… She was my best friend for a very long time." He cast his eyes away thoughtfully and then shook his head. "This is getting depressing." Standing, he hiked his brows at her as he said, "I cheated."

Her brow furrowed. "Huh?"

"I called your mom. I figured you would probably be feeling homesick, especially around now, so I called to see if there was anything I could do." He disappeared into his room and came back holding something in either hand. "I had her send me a copy of  _It's A Wonderful Life_  in the mail."

Her eyes lit up. "No way!"

He handed it to her. "I already talked to room service and they're bringing up a DVD player to hook up to the TV."

" _Stefan!_ " she cried, hopping out of her chair to hug him. "This is amazing!  _You're_ amazing!"

He hugged her waist and shrugged modestly. "I know what it's like to miss your family…" He shook his head. "I know you said you didn't want to go back to Mystic Falls, but I figure there are some traditions that can come with you anywhere."

Leaning back, she smiled up at him gratefully. "Thank you," she said, soft and sincere.

"You're welcome."

Squealing happily, she hugged him again, squeezing his neck.

"I've got one more thing," he told her. He waved one hand up, holding a wrapped present.

Releasing him, she held her hands out for it, smiling excitedly. When he handed it over, she said, "You're spoiling me."

"Is that a complaint?" he queried, eyebrow raised.

"No… Just, you know, pointing it out."

He laughed lightly and nodded at her gift. "Open it."

Happily, Caroline tore the wrapping off her present, and paused as she revealed a thick book, with tabs lining the side to separate sections. She thumbed through it and smiled. It was a scrapbook.

"I had some of the  _thousands_ of pictures you've taken developed," he explained.

The first section was London and she opened it to see the page covered in shopping bag drawings. She laughed and admired the pictures of her wearing a few outfits and one of Stefan wearing four pairs of sunglasses, stacked one on top of the other, the price tags hanging down the side of his face. She flipped the page and found one of her outside of Big Ben, blowing a kiss at the camera. Another had them smiling up at the camera while they rode the London Eye. She flipped further into the book to see them in Paris, comically eating either end of a supersized baguette, their eyes wide. She kept going and smiled as she saw herself standing with her arms out, a geyser erupting behind her as they admired Te Puia, New Zealand. Nostalgia warmed her as she paused on another, when they had a tourist take a picture of them in front of the colorful Saint Basil's Cathedral in Moscow.

The whole scrapbook was amazing. He'd even added a room service menu from the hotel in France with escargot underlined. She laughed, her eyes stinging with sentimental tears. There was a dried blue flower tucked into the seam in the Italy section that still smelled faintly of spring.

"Stefan, this is…" She shook her head. "I love it." She closed the book only to hug it to her chest.

He smiled. "Good." He hugged an arm around her shoulders. "How about we call room service? Dinner and a movie."

She nodded agreeably, and he let her go to walk to the phone.

While they waited, Caroline sat down to look through her scrapbook a little more.

Her homesickness faded as she sat with him on the couch, watching the movie she remembered so well from her childhood. Some traditions really couldn't be avoided, however, and she fell asleep before it ended.

Stefan tucked her book away and carried her to her bed, kissing her forehead before padding off to his own room. He had to admit, he'd had some good Christmases in the past, but this was one worth remembering.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

They were in Byron Bay when they decided it was time to go home.

Over the last two weeks, they'd gone air ballooning, scuba diving, taken a helicopter tour, kayaked, and bushwalked through the rainforest of Nightcap National Park to see Minyon Falls.

Finally, resting on the beach, Caroline lay on her stomach, her sunglasses and floppy straw hat on as she tanned her back under the hot sun. Book in hand, he sat beside her in a long beach chair, his own sunglasses blocking out the strong rays. Families, both local and visiting tourists, were spread out all down the beach, many of them enjoying the stunning blue water or building sandcastles.

Stefan wiggled his toes to get some of the gritty sand out from beneath them.

Humming, she turned her head to look at him. "Am I burning?" she wondered.

He checked her back and shook his head. "You want the sun screen?"

She nodded.

He reached around the chair to grab the large bag she'd brought with them and pulled it into his lap. She'd packed fruit, bottles of water, and a few snacks to last them the morning. Their hotel keys, wallets, and passports sat at the bottom, alongside their phones and the camera that he rarely saw leave her hand. Finally, he found the bottle of sunscreen. Being a vampire, she would heal quickly if she did burn, but they didn't have any blood on them to help the process along and the sun was a sore spot with any vampire to begin with.

He turned in his seat, resting the bag on the sand between their chairs, and turned the bottle over, giving it a shake before he squeezed. He rubbed the lotion over her shoulders and down her back in circles, sliding under the ties of her bikini. He spread them down her sides, feeling as she breathed in deep and squirmed as he hit a particularly sensitive part of her ribs. His lips twitched as he purposely did it again.

" _Stefan!_ "

He laughed under his breath and rubbed his hand down low, over the small of her back, back and forth.

"Arms too," she said, holding one out for him.

Shaking his head, he squeezed some more into the palm of his hand and rubbed it from the top of her shoulders to the tips of her fingers, kneading her skin absently, following the bones of her hands to her fingers.

She hummed appreciatively. "Don't even need to go to a spa with you around…"

"Good to know I'm needed," he joked back.

"Always."

He stood, reaching for her other arm and rubbed it down quickly before returning to his seat. "Legs?"

She pushed up to her elbows and looked back at herself, lifting one foot into the air. "When I was little, I wanted to be a mermaid…"

"I'm pretty sure, after The Little Mermaid came out,  _everyone_ did."

She grinned. "What about you? Did you want to be a mer-man?"

He chuckled to himself and reached out, catching her by her ankle. He started applying the sunscreen, looking back at her as he replied, "Can't say it ever occurred to me."

"Always have to be different," she sighed, lips twitching with a smile.

He rolled his eyes and rested his hand at the back of her knee. "So what happened then? Why'd you decide you didn't want to be a mermaid?"

She shook her head, her brow furrowed. "I don't know… I guess I grew up, stopped believing they were real, making it impossible for me  _to_ be one…"

He hummed, nodding. "You know what else aren't supposed to be real…?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She laughed. "Right… Somehow I think  _vampire_ -mermaids are even  _less_ likely…"

He shrugged noncommittally and returned to his task, but now that he was paying attention to it, he paused, his fingers curled around her thigh. Caroline had soft skin. Skin that smelled like coconut now and was slick and shiny under his hands. She'd always been pale, but with all of their traveling and their time spent on the beach, she had a warm, golden tan.

"Stefan?"

"Hm?" He looked over at her.

She raised a brow curiously. "Distracted much?"

He shook his head. "Just noticing your tan."

She grinned then. "Right!?" She lifted her other leg and swung her feet back and forth. "I'd say the same back, but you were always tanned."

"Good genes." He reached for her other leg and started at her ankle again. "What were you going to say?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if you missed home… We've been gone a while."

He nodded, his smile easing into a frown. "How many places do we have left to go?"

She shrugged. "Three or four."

"But you're ready to head back?"

She chewed her lip. "I don't know… I miss my mom. Talking to her on the phone isn't the same."

"We can go back any time you want."

She turned onto her side and looked up at him. "I want to."

He stared at her searchingly, considered all the time they'd spent away, the amazing places they'd been, and how different he felt since he'd first left Mystic Falls. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to go home, see what, if anything, it offered. It wasn't like they couldn't come back, couldn't pick up where they'd left off.

"Okay."

She smiled. "Okay."

It was settled.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

In the end, they spent thirteen months traveling. There was something bittersweet about returning to the States, even though it was completely up to them whether they wanted to or not. They picked Stefan's car up and made their way back to Mystic Falls, intent on reuniting Caroline with her mother. Much like when they left, the ride was filled with the radio and Caroline's soft singing.

As they drove into town, instead of being filled with that old nostalgia, that warmth for home, Stefan couldn't help but feel like he didn't fit there and was helpless to the stab of suspicion, waiting on something to attack them. Their time away had been a relief; it had been without injury or death. Now, returning, he wondered if life might be looking to make up for lost time.

But, according to Liz, life in Mystic Falls had been easy since they'd left. He sat down with her in the kitchen of her house and caught up on the last thirteen months from her side of things.

"No attacks, no suspicious deaths; it's been as boring and slow as it was before everything went haywire." She half-smiled. "I guess… Maybe you were right, maybe it was time everyone moved on."

Stefan nodded, curling his hand around the mug of coffee she'd offered him.

Caroline was in her bedroom, going through her wardrobe, putting away her new clothes and tossing others that she deemed out of fashion.

"Have you heard from anyone else? Has anyone else returned?"

He didn't have to say their names; Liz seemed to know exactly who he meant. Elena or Damon.

She frowned sympathetically and shook her head. "No… I'm sorry. I haven't seen or heard from either of them."

He cast his eyes away thoughtfully. He'd called Damon, left messages, texted him with each new place they went to, half-hoping he would just appear, but nothing had ever been returned. He didn't know where his brother was, but he knew Damon hadn't been okay when he left. He'd been broken when Elena told them she was leaving and, for a time, he was that angry, bitter man he'd been when he first arrived. Stefan truly hoped he hadn't stayed that way.

"Caroline seems happy," Liz said then, drawing his attention once more.

"She is." Stefan nodded. "She loved it over there. If she could, I think she would make traveling her profession."

She laughed under her breath. "Traveling and shopping, apparently."

He sat back in his chair, grinning. "She has an eye for fashion, or so my bank account tells me."

Liz raised an eyebrow. "It must get expensive…" she probed. "You guys were gone a while, you visited some very… luxurious places."

"It's fine," he assured her. "I've had more than enough time to build up a comfortable living."

She stared at him thoughtfully. "Do you mind me asking…? I mean, what you're doing, taking Caroline traveling, that's wonderful, but… It seems so extravagant, so- so  _beyond_  just friendship…" Her brow furrowed. "I guess what I'm wondering is… what  _are_  you two… to each other?"

"Caroline's my best friend," he told her honestly.

She stared at him, waiting for further explanation, and her hard, demanding eyes were not to be disappointed. There was a reason Liz Forbes was Sheriff; she may only be human, but she was strong and unwavering when she wanted something.

"I care about her," he continued, wanting to put her at ease and, at the same time, being completely sincere. "I… don't know what I'd do without her."

Liz gave it some thought before apparently deciding that was good enough and finally nodding.

"So, I've done my best, but there is no way all of that is fitting into the closet," Caroline said, her eyes wide with emphasis as she joined them in the kitchen.

He smiled up at her. "There's always space at the boarding house."

She lit up thoughtfully. "True…"

"Well, before you head over there, I'd like to take you two out for dinner. As a welcome home, my treat," Liz offered.

Caroline grinned. "I won't say no to that."

Stefan shook his head. "You two should go together, catch up…"

"Are you sure?" Caroline walked toward him, her brow furrowed.

"Yeah." He stood from his chair, reaching for her, his hand falling to her waist. "You haven't had any time together in too long." He kissed her temple as he moved past her, taking up his jacket. "We'll get breakfast tomorrow, all right?"

She nodded and moved to walk him to the door. "It'll be weird," she admitted as they moved down the hall side by side. "We haven't been apart this whole time…"

He turned to face her at the door, smiling. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

She snorted, rolling her eyes. "Somehow I don't think they meant one night apart."

"Depends on the people."

"Uh-huh." She reached out, smoothing down the front of his leather jacket. "Well, try not to get into any trouble without me. No vampire wars, werewolf grudges, hybrid maniacs…"

He laughed under his breath. "I'll do my best."

"So tomorrow, meet at Mystic Grill?"

"How's nine sound?"

She nodded. "I'll be there."

He reached for the door to go, but she stopped him, a hand on his shoulder.

He looked back at her curiously, a brow raised.

She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Instead, she moved forward and hugged him. It was quick, brief really, and she reached up to kiss his cheek. "Goodnight," she said in way of explanation.

He nodded, saying nothing, and finally left.

Hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket, he pulled out his keys, and made his way to his car. His cheek was warm where her lips had pressed and, despite knowing that he would see her in the morning, he still felt something of a loss. Thirteen months they'd been together, hand in hand, side by side. It felt odd not to have her there, her constant stream of chatter or her easy laugh, her warm smile and her bright blue eyes.

Shaking it off, he drove back to the boarding house, finding it empty and quiet. The air inside was stagnant and musty. Dust had collected, dulling the usually polished wood. It was depressing and gloomy, so far removed from everything he had gotten used to in the last year. The clean white of the hotel rooms they'd been staying in were a far cry from the boarding house, which had never seemed so large and dark before now.

He made his way up to his unused room, his suitcase in hand. It wasn't nearly as packed as Caroline's, who had to buy an extra two just to accommodate all of her new purchases. He left it by the door as he walked to his bed, deciding not to unpack for now. Everything was just as he left it, but he didn't feel the same as he sat on his bed and kicked off his shoes.

This wasn't home. Maybe the town was; it was where he'd grown up, lived, died, and lived again. Where he'd fallen in love, fallen out of it, been betrayed and hurt and known sorrow, the likes of which he'd never want to repeat. It was memories, but not the kind he wanted to hold onto, not that he'd want to remember in fifty, a hundred, a thousand years.

He lay down on his bed and considered what that meant. Had they left only to return or were they supposed to stay gone?

He fell asleep pondering the possibilities.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

Caroline felt a stab of nostalgia as she and Liz sat down for dinner at the Mystic Grill. Everything was so familiar and, at the same time, so distant. It felt like it'd been ages since she'd been there and, yet, everything was still just as she'd left it.

"You look so tanned," Liz told her, shaking her head.

Caroline laughed and looked down at her arms. "Yeah, well, I spent a lot of time outside… Stefan and I only left Australia yesterday. The beaches down there are…  _amazing!_ "

She smiled. "Sounds like you had fun… All your emails, I don't think you've been that excited in a long time."

"Mom, you  _have_ to travel. I mean, some of the places we went, the things we saw… I saw a geyserjust  _explode_  behind me. When we went scuba diving, the fish were so colorful. I mean, there's IMAX and then there's the real thing, you know? And the  _clothes!_ "

Liz chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"We found these markets just all over the place, the jewelry and the clothes were hand-made and they were so, so beautiful."

The waitress interrupted them then, asking for their orders.

Caroline eagerly shifted in her seat. "The pasta I just ordered, Stefan and I got it when we were in Italy!" Her eyes widened, brows arched. "The noodles were made  _in_ the restaurant. Like, no boxes at all, they made them themselves. And Stefan ordered in Italian which was just,  _wow_. I've heard some really beautiful accents and languages while we were traveling but that one takes the cake."

Liz considered her thoughtfully as she took a sip of her drink. "You and Stefan sound like you got really close."

She shrugged. "We were close before. He's one of my best friends."

"Uh-huh…"

"What?" she asked, laughing curiously.

"Nothing, it's just… I haven't seen you this...  _happy_. Not for a long time. I mean, when you were with Tyler you smiled more, you laughed more…" She stared at her searchingly. "Stefan is a  _really_ good man, Caroline. I just… I want you to be sure about what you're getting into."

Her smile faded into a frown. "What's there to be sure about? We're friends, we went on vacation together, that's completely normal…"

Liz clasped her hands on the table. "Maybe it isn't becoming something, maybe I'm overanalyzing… What I'm really trying to say here is that it's  _nice_. It's really nice to see you moving on. I mean, between Tyler and Klaus leaving and then all your friends going too…" She shook her head. "I know that was hard on you. You were still in love with Tyler and, well I'm not sure what was going on with Klaus but I know that his leaving for New Orleans made you pretty upset…"

"It sucked," she admitted. "Everybody else was getting out and it was just me and Stefan, but… It's fine now. I  _get_ why they left… Traveling, being out there in the world, it's… It felt  _amazing_."

Liz smiled gently and nodded. "And what about now? Being home…"

"It…" She cast her eyes around. "It's familiar."

"Car, honey, why did you come back?"

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You were happy there, you had no reason to stop traveling, so… Why did you come home?"

"I don't know, I… I missed you."

"Is that the only reason? You didn't miss home, you weren't tired of traveling?"

She shrugged. "Maybe a little, I guess. I just… I don't know. It—It started to feel less like I was free and more like I was running… I loved every second of it, don't get me wrong, but… It was like my life was on pause. I was there and I was exploring but I wasn't really going anywhere."

"So what do you want?" Liz wondered. "You're back now, what's the plan?"

Chewing her lip, she shook her head. "I don't know… I have to talk to Stefan, see what he feels about being home."

Her mother stared at her a long moment, her lips pursed slightly. "Have you ever thought about what that means? That where you go and what you do depends on someone else."

She scowled then. "What do you mean?"

Her expression gentled. "Not like that. I just meant that… You consider him, you ask yourself what's in the best interest of  _both_ of you… It's not just about you anymore and that—that's good, in some ways. It's selfless. But do you ever wonder  _why_...? Why is it so important that whatever future you get into has a place for Stefan in it?"

She swallowed tightly. "I don't know, we're friends, of course I want him there."

Liz looked down at the table a moment and considered what she wanted to ask before finally shaking her head. Maybe it was women's intuition or knowing her daughter so well, but she knew that Caroline wasn't ready for it. Though it hung at the tip of her tongue, the words, "Are you in love with Stefan?" didn't leave Liz's mouth that night. Instead, she turned the topic of conversation back to her travels and listened as her daughter joyfully tried to relate every detail to her of her time away.

But one day, she was sure, she would ask that question, and Caroline's answer would be an unequivocal ' _yes_.'

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

At 9 am the next morning, Stefan found himself sitting down at a table in Mystic Grill. It wasn't Matt who served them; in fact, he didn't recognize the waitress at all. He wondered briefly if April was around, but didn't see her amongst the staff. Caroline strolled in shortly after and smiled as she spotted him, taking the seat across the table.

"How was your night with your mom?" he asked, passing her a menu.

"Great!" she told him happily. "It was nice catching up. There was so much to tell her, so many stories, you know?" She nodded. "It felt good to see her."

The waitress returned to get her drink order, but Caroline had already decided on what she wanted to eat. As she walked away, Caroline crossed her arms on the table top and leaned on them.

"How was your night?" she wondered.

"Good...  _Quiet_."

She smiled sadly. "No Damon?"

He shook his head, sighing to himself. "Is it weird I kind of thought he'd be there when I got back?"

She reached across the table, covering his hand with her own. "I know you miss him."

"It'd be easier if I just knew where he was, that he was okay…"

She nodded, her gaze falling. "Do you…?"

He raised an eyebrow, encouraging her to continue.

"I just… I wondered if you were happy being back. I—I mean, I know it's only been like, a  _day_ , and maybe I just miss the excitement or the freedom, but… I feel like I'm  _stuck_ again. Last night, my mom asked me what the plan was, what I was going to do now, and it just struck me… It feels like I'm going backwards somehow. After everything we did, being over there, it was great, but… What happens now?"

He nodded.

"We can't travel forever," she murmured. "And I'm sure if we did, eventually it wouldn't be fun. It wouldn't be an experience anymore; it'd just be a way of life…" She shook her head. "I don't think I  _fit_  here anymore. I don't think I'm supposed to be here."

He stared at her. "So what do you want to do?"

She bit her lip, casting her eyes down. "Have you ever thought about college?" she wondered, the words bursting from her suddenly, like she'd almost considered not voicing them but they escaped anyway.

"Sure," he agreed. "I've taken classes. Even planned to be a doctor when I was still… human."

"Well, what if we did it then? What if we sent off applications and moved to a city somewhere…?" She smiled hopefully. "What if we started over as Caroline and Stefan,  _college_  students?"

He grinned slowly. "A new adventure."

Her eyes lit up. "Would you want to?"

Sometimes Stefan thought he might just do anything she asked of him. Just to see the way she brightened, to see her smile. The truth of it was, though, that it wasn't hard to say yes to what she propose. He liked the idea. He could see himself in college, in lecture halls, studying to all hours of the night. He could see himself as that student, working toward a future. And, more importantly, he could see himself doing it all with her.

"We can look at colleges after breakfast, see what's out there, even take a few road trips, check them out in person."

She let out a high-pitched squeal of excitement and launched herself out of her chair, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. "It's going to be great, Stefan. I  _promise!_ "

He laughed, hugging her back, and knew in his gut that she was right.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

They ended up sending out a lot of college applications and visiting almost every campus they had any chance of being accepted to. Half the fun was the road trip to each, exploring the cities they were based in. He couldn't be sure how exactly it was decided, as they received a number of acceptance letters, but they ended up going to the University of Chicago. He had been hesitant at first; he didn't have the best track record with Chicago. But then he realized that this was meant to be the beginning of their lives; it was a new and fresh start with better memories. He accepted that there were bound to be lingering ghosts from his past, but he wouldn't avoid them. He would just have to make sure the good outweighed the bad.

That September, they were college freshmen. Caroline wanted to get a business degree; she'd had so much experience running things as it was, working on committees and putting together events, that she thought it was the right direction. It would open doors for her, whatever she decided to do. Stefan wasn't so easily decided, so instead he chose to take a number of classes in a broad scope of fields. He wanted to taste everything and see what fit.

They got an apartment off campus, a two-bedroom that, to Caroline's constant complaint, did not have enough closet space. Stefan would spend the next year regretting telling her she could use some of his closet for whatever didn't fit in hers. In part because just about every morning he woke up to find her looking for something to wear and she was rarely wearing more than a tiny slip of a nightgown or, occasionally, just her underwear.

With a groan, he would roll over, bury his face in his pillow, and tell himself not to think about it too much.

The first year of college was hectic. Finding time to study and make friends wasn't always easy. And, as he was well aware, Caroline was a social butterfly. She decided they needed to join groups at the college to meet like-minded people whereas he enjoyed spending his time on his own, what little he had that wasn't consumed with studying anyway. More than once, she'd come home to find him simply sitting at his desk, writing in his journal, music playing in the background, content by himself and, eventually, she stopped bugging him to join in and let him be, accepting that he enjoyed his loner status.

Friendships grew and faded for Caroline. She met people through classes and clubs, but she didn't hold on to them tightly. It was hard for her to look past the obvious elephant in the room. They were human and she was not. They would age and die and she would not. When those melancholy feelings started to set in, she would often find other things to do, becoming too busy to nurture those friendships, usually resulting in their end.

Regardless of what happened with her other friendships, her and Stefan's bond was as strong as ever. More often than not, she would return to the apartment and curl up on the couch next to him, asking what book he was reading or what class he was studying for. Some nights, she would lay her feet in his lap and watch reality TV, blocking out the rest of the world. It didn't escape her that Stefan was her stability; he was whom she relied on, whom she always returned to, and she imagined it would always be like that.

"Where do you think we'll be in a hundred years?" she asked him one night, interrupting whatever it was he was writing in his journal.

"The world or us?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't get political on me, Mr. Salvatore." She looked over at him, her hands stacked on her stomach. His journal was folded over the couch arm, his hand on top of it. "You and me… Where are we going to be then?"

He tipped his head, his brow furrowed in thought. As he considered her question, he nodded. "Together," he said.

She watched him a long moment, wanting to pick apart that one word and understand what it meant in its complex totality.

His lips twitched at the corners, like he knew what she wanted. He sighed, his hands falling, wrapping around one of her feet, and he began to rub, his thumbs sliding up the arch of her foot. He did this often, giving her a massage when she was tense or aggravated. She wondered sometimes if it was his way of getting that human touch he craved. He'd dated a few girls he'd met through classes but nothing ever stuck. In the end, the only constant in his life was her, and she wasn't complaining.

"I don't know where we'll be… I don't know if the world will still look the same. I know it's constantly growing, changing, so I can't say we'll be in Chicago, London, Toronto… They might not be there. I just know that a hundred years from now, wherever I am, you'll be there..."

It struck her then that he was right. Barring an unexpected staking, she would be there with him. Maybe that was the depth of their friendship. Maybe, no matter who came or went from their lives, they just knew that they would always be there to support each other… Was that friendship? That unfailing certainty that, whatever happened in this world, however life turned out, they would have each other? Some days she thought what she felt for him went beyond friendship. All she knew for certain was that it went deeper than anything she'd ever known.

The complexities of 'together,' of 'them,' often left her confused, troubled, and a little scared. She'd seen what love could do, how it ruined beautiful things, broke good people, how it died.

If she wanted to be beside Stefan in a hundred years, maybe loving him was the wrong way to do it. Or maybe it was supposed to be a different love. Maybe they could love each other and never be in love. Perhaps that was the trick to keeping tragedy out of their story.

"You know what else I know?"

She raised a curious eyebrow.

He smiled and stood from the couch, reaching for her hand and drawing her with him. He carried her hand over his shoulder and pulled her away from the crowded area of their living room with its overstuffed couches and sharply cornered end tables wearing her fashion magazines and his many books.

Turning, he pulled her close to him, his arm fitting around her waist. "We'll probably be dancing," he said, leaning down to say the words softly, as if he wanted only her, and not the rest of the world, to hear him.

She laughed, curling her hand around his shoulder, and looked up at him.

"I have to say… Doesn't sound like the worst future."

Nodding, he started them moving, swaying to an absent song, nothing but their bodies brushing together, the flow of their breaths coming and going, and the familiar warmth of each other to fill the moment.

Leaning in, she rested her chin on his shoulder and let her eyes fall closed. It felt right, being there, with him, breathing in his scent, leaning into his chest, his fingers braided with hers. She wondered if she'd feel the same in the future, if there was any way for them to be any closer than they already were. And then she wondered when her life came to involve Stefan Salvatore so absolutely.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

That summer, after their first year of college was finished, they made plans to visit Bonnie and Jeremy. It was the first time they were going to see them in nearly three years.

Piling into Stefan's car, the trunk filled mostly with her luggage, they drove down to Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where Bonnie and Jeremy had set down roots. The two of them had been attending Wake Forest University while working in town, and living in a small apartment.

Outside a quaint little red-brick apartment building, Bonnie greeted them with a high-pitched scream of excitement that only Caroline could, and did, rival. Stefan stood back and grinned as they embraced, squeezing each other tight. Jeremy wasn't far behind, amused, his hands tucked into his jeans. He nodded hello to Stefan, walking over to shake his hand.

The two women left the guys behind as they talked, walking arm-in-arm up the cement stairs to the front door of the apartment building, talking over each other as they caught up. Jeremy and Stefan trailed behind them.

Bonnie and Jeremy's apartment was modest but homey. It was a simple one bedroom with a small bathroom, average living room, and slightly cramped kitchen. There were pictures all over and the paint was fresh enough that Stefan could tell they'd recently renovated a little.

"The couch pulls out if you guys wanted to stay here," Bonnie offered, looking between them. "I know it's not much, but it's comfortable and cheap."

"We already booked a hotel," Caroline assured. "But thank you!"

"You guys are here for the week though, right?"

Stefan nodded. "We're heading back to Mystic Falls after to see Liz and, after that, Caroline wants to see what Canada has to offer."

She shifted in her seat on the couch excitedly, explaining, "We're going to start in Newfoundland and then make our way straight across to BC," she told them, her eyes wide and happy. "We were going to do the touristy thing here, but then Stefan said that we should see the Great Lakes and we ran into this really nice couple and they said that if we wanted nature, we should try Canada. Well," she waved a dismissive hand, "mostly she just said BC for its forests, but we have so much time before fall semester that we thought we might as well get in as much as we can."

"That's a long trip," Bonnie said, surprised.

"I know! Isn't it great?" She grinned. "We thought since we'd had so much fun traveling before that it made sense to keep doing it." She shrugged. "I've already done some research, so we've got it all mapped out. There are so many sights to see and we want to make the most of it without rushing."

"That sounds great. It must be nice, after all that time in school."

"Ugh,  _yes!_ " Caroline leaned forward and looked at her curiously. "That reminds me, Bon, tell me all about what it's like at WakeForest! Oh my god, you have so much to catch me up on!"

Bonnie grinned and settled into the conversation easily.

They spent the better part of the afternoon talking while Stefan and Jeremy caught up, eventually deciding to take a walk down the road to a local pub and chat over a beer.

"You look happy," Stefan noticed, tipping his beer at Jeremy.

"I am." He smiled widely, nodding. "Feels good here. Fits, y'know?"

Stefan nodded. "I do."

"So what's it like in Chicago?" he wondered.

With a shrug, he took another drag of his beer. "Big city, lots of life, personality, history. I like being in school, feels good, fills my days…"

"Yeah, Bon said you're not taking a program, just kind of feeling out a little of everything."

His head bobbed agreeably. "A couple Lit courses, philosophy, psychology, anything that gets me thinking, really."

"You have eternity to think on the complexities of life and death…" Jeremy reminded wryly.

He laughed under his breath. "It's always good to understand how people think… The world might change, but I find most people's motivations stay the same."

"Sure. Love, money, power, sex. Makes the world go 'round."

"You sound a little cynical, Jeremy… Has death and resurrection jaded you?"

He shook his head, smiling. "No. Don't get me wrong. My life is good here. I'm happy, I have Bonnie, school's good, I couldn't ask for anything better… But the world itself, even outside of Mystic Falls, it's still motivated by the same things as everything we faced there… Everybody —human, witch, vampire, werewolf— they all want the same things. You figure out who they are when you know which motive comes out on top."

He nodded thoughtfully. "You'd fit right in to my philosophy and psych classes."

Jeremy laughed, shaking his head. "I prefer drawing… Starving artist, you know?"

He grinned. "So what motivates you then? Obviously not money…"

"Love," Jeremy said seriously.

Stefan stared at him a moment. "Bonnie."

"Yeah." His brow furrowed slightly, mouth curled up at the corners. "It's crazy to me, how far we've come, after everything. There's history there, not all of it good. Even now, sometimes she has nightmares about what happened, about me dying. And even being away from Mystic Falls, we can't guarantee everything will be perfect. But we've got each other, and that's all that matters. Doesn't matter where we are, where we work, if we're not anything like the people around us… It's just us. And that's enough."

Humming, Stefan stared down at his beer bottle, picking at the label. They sat there a long moment in silence, just thinking.

"Elena called Bonnie," Jeremy finally said, watching him for a reaction.

Stefan let the words sink in, showing no outward sign. His first thought, and it was a telling one, was if Damon was with her, if he was okay. It wasn't if they were together romantically, if Elena was okay, if she was happy, although he wondered about those things after. What he wanted to know was if his brother was all right. He hadn't heard from Damon since he left and it worried him.

He struggled to voice the question he really wanted answered, but Jeremy continued without his encouragement.

"She's been traveling. She was somewhere in South Africa when she called, but she's probably moved on by now…"

Stefan nodded silently, briefly thinking of when he and Caroline went on a wine tour in Cape Town. He fought off a smile as he remembered just how drunk she'd gotten, and turned his attention back to Jeremy.

"She was alone. I know some of us thought maybe Damon was with her, but she said she hadn't seen or talked to anyone since she left. We told her we hadn't heard from Damon but that you and Caroline were in Chicago…" He paused again, letting that sink in before adding, "She sounded happy."

He smiled then, faintly. "I'm glad."

And he was. He was glad that she was okay, that maybe she'd found what she was looking for while she was away. That pit that he expected to feel, a gnawing at his gut, a clawing desperation to be with her, to see her, was absent. His smile grew wider then. It was in that moment, knowing that Elena was out there, that she was okay and ready to connect with her friends again, that he realized he had moved on. He wasn't sure when, wasn't sure how his heart had gone from desperately needing her to accepting that she wasn't meant to be the central part of him, but it had.

"We should head back," he said then. "Caroline and I still have to register at the hotel, put our things away… We should get dinner tonight, the four of us."

"Sure. I know a place."

"Great."

They stood, paying for their beers, and started up the road back to Jeremy and Bonnie's apartment. He sent a text as they were leaving and wasn't surprised to find Caroline standing outside when they got back. She was leaning against his car, her hands clasped in front of her. She smiled as they approached. There was a thud in his chest as he walked toward her. The sun was setting and the street lights made shadows dance over her figure.

"Have fun?" she asked him, tipping her head back as he reached her.

He nodded. "Ready to head over to the hotel?"

"Mm-hmm. I told Bonnie we'd meet her for dinner in an hour. Gives me time to freshen up." She smiled excitedly. "I can't wait to show her one of the dresses I got in Paris last year. She's going to  _freak!_ "

He chuckled under his breath and reached for the door, opening it for her to climb into the car.

Caroline filled the ride to the hotel with her excited chatter. He couldn't help but compare it to how quiet Jeremy's company had been. It wasn't unwelcome, however. He'd long become used to Caroline. She loved talking and he enjoyed listening.

Truth be told, her voice calmed him, put him at ease. There had been a few times in Chicago and abroad where his limits had been tested, like in Ireland that fateful afternoon, when his bloodlust reared its ugly head. But Caroline was a soothing force in his life; she was a cool, stroking hand on the back of his neck, a voice at his ear, making him focus, making him hear her, breathe with her, instead of focusing on the blood, the rush of it through easily accessible veins. And later, she was the hand holding the blood bag to his lips, encouraging him,  _trusting_  him. She was his guidance and support, and he welcomed her constant talking. He listened to every word, smiling at her hand gestures and the inflections she used.

He didn't wonder what that meant; he simply accepted it as it was and hoped it would never change.

 

**…**

**…**

**…**

The week they spent in Winston-Salem passed quickly. Bonnie and Caroline spent much of it shopping, gossiping, and falling back into the easy flow of their friendship. When either Bonnie or Jeremy were busy with work, Stefan and Caroline became tourists once more, learning the city inside out.

"I missed Bonnie," she told him one afternoon, as they sat outside a small café. "I've made friends in Chicago, but… I don't know. They're not her, not Elena. I thought maybe it was just nostalgia, you know? We grew up together, of course it'd be hard to make friends and get as close to them, but… I think it's Bonnie. I think she's special."

"She is," he agreed. "And so are you. Sometimes, certain friendships are stronger, deeper, and those are the ones that last."

She smiled at him. "Even when we're apart?"

"You don't have to be standing beside each other to be friends, Caroline. You and Bonnie talk all the time, you Skype, you text… She's the person you turn to, who you trust; she'll always be your friend."

She nodded, biting her lip. "She's not the only one… I turn to you, I trust you. I think of you even before I think of Bonnie. I mean, when I'm upset, when I need somebody to reassure me, tell me things are going to be okay, talk me down from another freak-out over my grades… I find you."

"I'll always be there."

"Yeah," she murmured. "You will."

She cast her eyes away and smiled as she saw a set of tables. "Look…"

He turned his head and laughed under his breath. Somehow, she always managed to find someone selling something and she was always willing to buy. They left the café to check out the display and then wandered around, window-shopping for the most part. At some point, one of them had reached out, their hands tangling, and it wasn't until they met Jeremy and Bonnie for dinner, the latter of whom looking at their hands curiously, that they were aware of what had happened.

Bonnie didn't ask, not then anyway. It wasn't until their last night, when they returned to the bar down the road, a house band playing and a surprisingly good dinner menu to be enjoyed. Jeremy had asked Caroline to dance as a fast song came on and she'd joined him, laughing as he twirled her around playfully.

Bonnie turned to look at Stefan, staring curiously for a few long seconds. "So you and Caroline," she broached, not bothering to hide her interest in the least.

"Me and Caroline," he said, lips twitching with amusement.

"Is that like… a  _thing_ now, or…?" She shook her head questioningly.

"You'd be surprised how often I'm asked that."

Her brows rose. "If you guys act the way you do here everywhere else then no, not really surprised."

He laughed under his breath, short and quick. "Caroline is my best friend. She's all I have... There's you, Jeremy, Damon, wherever he is, but the every-day stuff… She's the one who's always with me. Everything I do, everywhere I go, I share it with her."

Bonnie nodded, brow furrowed thoughtfully. "So just friends, huh?"

He turned to look at her. "Jeremy told me about Elena…"

She sat up a little straighter, her lips pursed, brow furrowed. "And?"

He shook his head. "I don't know when it happened, or  _how_ , but I moved on. I didn't realize it until then. Being away from Mystic Falls, it gave me time to heal, to let go… I'm happy for her, that she's found herself again, but I don't want to be the one she comes back to." He licked his lips and nodded. "Me and Caroline, I don't know where that will go… I know I need her, I  _want_ her in my life, and I won't risk that. Not now."

Bonnie relaxed, seeming to take what he said as a good sign. "Maybe later then, after it's all sunk in… It's not like you don't have time, right?"

He chuckled. "No, I have lots of that."

She grinned back. Ducking her eyes for a moment, she told him, "It's good to see you, both of you. I wasn't sure what would happen after everything in Mystic Falls… I wasn't sure any of us were going to move on, you know? How do you forget things like that?"

He shook his head. "You don't." He turned to look at her. "I think it's a matter of accepting it, trying to live a happier life after, without all that…  _death_."

She stared at him searchingly. "Are you?"

"I'm happy." He smiled at her. "Really."

"Good," she told him sincerely. "You deserve it."

"So do you. I'm glad you and Jeremy finally have that."

She grinned, turning a fond look at her boyfriend. "I still get worried something's going to happen," she confessed. "I'm still waiting for him to just disappear, for this whole thing to just be a dream…"

He covered her hand on the tabletop and squeezed. "It's real."

She stared at him a long moment before smiling. "Ugh. This whole reunion is making me emotional." She reached up to swipe at her eyes which had become thick with tears. "I'm going to go to the bathroom. Let Jeremy know?" She shrugged, rolling her eyes. "He worries."

"Sure."

As she walked toward the bathroom, the song changed. Stefan stood, pushing away from the table, and walked out onto the dance floor. He tapped Jeremy's shoulder and said, "Bonnie went to the bathroom."

He turned his head back and nodded, but his eyes searched out where the bathrooms were just in case, showing his worry.

"You mind if I cut in?" he wondered.

"No, that's fine. I'm pretty sure I stepped on her toes enough for one night." He handed Caroline's hand over to Stefan before making his way toward the washroom to wait on his girlfriend.

Stefan's arm slid around Caroline's waist and drew her close in a familiar embrace. They moved in tune with each other, as they always did, anticipating which way the other would move. He found himself paying attention more now than ever before. The way Caroline's fingers slid between his, how her hand settled near his neck, fingers lightly curled around the collar of his shirt. He noticed how his hand settled low on her back, his thumb stroking back and forth.

Bonnie had voiced things he often chose to ignore. Yes, he had time. He and Caroline may just have eternity. But what was any of it if not enjoyed? Every moment captured and lived to their limits. He didn't know if he and Caroline were ready for that, or if she even thought of him that way. What he did know was that his feelings were changing and forever sounded much better with her in it.

They shared two more dances, their twined hands resting against his chest, her head falling to his shoulder, feet shuffling in tune with each other. When the music picked up in tempo, they finally returned to the table. Bonnie shot him a knowing look, which he chose to ignore, instead ordering a round of drinks for them, which they promptly used to toast each other for having a great visit. Much of the night was spent drinking and talking about the better times in Mystic Falls, being sure to avoid anything that would bring the mood down.

It was well after two in the morning when they parted ways, Jeremy and Bonnie returning to their apartment while Caroline and Stefan caught a cab to their hotel. While the vampires of the group would suffer no hang-over, thanks to a few blood bags and their enhanced healing abilities, Bonnie and Jeremy were both looking pretty haggard the next morning.

They met outside of the apartment building to say their goodbyes, Stefan's car already packed with their luggage.

Caroline lingered, hugging Bonnie tight, and when they finally parted, each girl had tears in her eyes.

"We'll try to stop by here before we head back to Chicago," Caroline promised, smiling brightly.

"You better!" Bonnie said, laughing emotionally.

With one last squeezing hug, Caroline waved and climbed into the car.

"We'll come back," Stefan promised her as he turned the ignition.

"I know," she murmured, nodding. She waved at Jeremy and Bonnie as they pulled away and reached over, taking Stefan's hand. "Goodbyes are always hard."

He twined their fingers and silently agreed.

The thing was, as much as he cared for Jeremy and Bonnie, and he wished them the best, his life was not dependent on them being in it. He didn't feel a great, overwhelming loss when he didn't see them. He was happy when he did, he enjoyed their company, but he was content knowing that they were safe and happy where they were. They would always be his friends, but he was beginning to understand that his life was taking a different direction than theirs. They were happy in North Carolina, they would probably live out their days together, finish college, find careers, maybe have children. They would know all of the happiness a mortal lifetime could offer.

One day he would come back here with Caroline and Bonnie and Jeremy would be old, they would be wrinkled and grey. And maybe then Caroline would cry for a different reason. But what he also knew was that it would be him and Caroline. She wasn't going to be one of the people that came and went in his life. She wouldn't be someone that Jeremy told him he'd heard from in passing, some distant memory, a person he'd loved and watched walk away. She was not Elena.

As he left Winston-Salem, he smiled to himself. He felt lighter than he did when he'd arrived. His history with Elena was now put to rest. Wherever she was, he wished her well. He was moving forward, in every sense of the word, and, as he took in the girl next to him, he knew it was for the better.


	2. madly in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **polyvore** : [collection](http://www.polyvore.com/wont_you_dance_with_me/collection?id=5483507)
> 
>  **warnings** : coarse language, explicit sexual content  
>  **word count** : 19,095

**Part II**

**-MADLY IN LOVE-**

It was funny, how life could change on a dime, with so little warning. How everything she knew could be turned on its head in the blink of an eye.

Caroline found herself walking into a bar, still wearing her pajamas. Well, technically they were Stefan's pajama pants that she'd borrowed ages ago and refused to give back. Her hair was tied up in a floppy, lopsided bun. A great look, especially paired with her sheep-face slippers. Her car keys dangled from her hand, clutched tight, as she scanned the room for a familiar, if unexpected, face.

Bonnie was sitting at the bar, shoulders hunched, head thrown back as she did a shot; a line of empty glasses telling Caroline she'd clearly had enough.

"Bonnie!" She hurried across the room to her best friend, scanning her face worriedly. It wasn't every day that one of her oldest friends just showed up in town, with nothing but a frantic text to meet at a random bar _immediately_. Caroline had come running. Every awful, morbid fear running on a loop in her head. What happened? Was Bonnie dying? Was something after her? What terrible thing had life thrown in their lap this time? Just when she was starting to think they'd gotten out and could have normal lives, something had to drag them back down.

Bonnie's eyes were red-rimmed, her face clear of any and all make-up, and a sad, downward turn to her mouth looked wrong and out of place.

Caroline's hand found her shoulder and squeezed. "What happened?" she asked, quietly, and gently. The room was anything but. There were bikers playing pool, a few drunks arguing in the far corner, and a jukebox playing whiny country classics.

Bonnie snorted, like she'd cracked a joke. "What _didn't_ happen? Right? I mean, look at our lives… _My_ life. It's just one giant mistake after the other. I thought— I _really_ thought it could be different."

Taking a seat on the stool next to her, Caroline shook her head. She wasn't sure what to say. She felt like she was missing a lot of the story, so she just waited for Bonnie to elaborate.

"It started small… I couldn't tell you. I _wanted_ to. I did, but I just— I couldn't get the words out. We'd Skype or you'd call and I could feel it, this _confession_ , just stuck in my throat, but I couldn't just _say_ it." Bonnie swiped at her cheek quickly and shook her head. "I didn't even think I missed it. I was happy for a while. Everything was— God, it was _easy_. It was so easy and I didn't have to question it. I didn't have to wonder what it'd be like if things were different. There were no what if's, just what was. But then it changed… And it's my fault, I know that. But… I'm not even sure I'm mad about it. It's like something that wasn't there, something that was missing, it's back now. And suddenly everything I thought was good, all that time I thought I was happy, maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was just telling myself that so I wouldn't have to look at how empty and surface and hollow it was."

"Slow down. What happened? What's going on?" She smiled at Bonnie. "You know you can tell me…"

"I started to miss it. My magic. I just… I needed to feel that connection again. Before, after we left Mystic Falls, I put the grimoire away, I didn't touch it. I just settled into normality. College, Jeremy, a real home, all to myself. And it was good, for a while. It was… I don't know. Everything I wanted, once upon a time."

"But something changed."

" _I_ changed." Bonnie reached for her, covering Caroline's hand and squeezing. "When I first realized I was a witch, I thought maybe it was a gift. Something that made me different, unique, even special. But then everything started going crazy and I changed my mind. It was a _curse_. The whole town was cursed. And I was being drained in every way imaginable. I was losing myself to it. So when we left Mystic Falls, I stopped. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Magic would only hurt me… But after a while, I thought maybe I could just use it a little. Just light the candles every once in a while, make a feathers float, little things. The kind of thing I used to do when I was just figuring it out. But it wasn't enough. It was like getting a taste of home; it only made me feel more homesick.

"So I started waiting for Jeremy to go out. For work or school or whatever. And I'd dig out my grimoire and try a few other spells; nothing big, no nosebleeds. And it felt… God, Caroline, it felt _amazing_. It was just, it was like a livewire, like everything inside of me just _lit up_. It was me, and my ancestors, and my magic, and everything I loved about magic was there again. No vampires, no werewolves, no desperately trying to save Elena's life at the cost of everything else. Finally, my magic was _mine_. And it was _beautiful_." She smiled widely, letting out a little laugh.

"Okay." Caroline smiled back. "Well, that sounds great. So what… Why the last minute trip to Chicago?"

Her smile slipped then, and she reached for another shot, throwing it back and screwing up her mouth for a moment. And then she said, "I left Jeremy."

" _What?_ But… You were so happy."

"I was… Kind of."

"Kind of?" Caroline shook her head, confused. "We just saw you last year. You were… You had an apartment and school and everything was perfect. Wasn't it?"

"It was… a life. A life I thought I wanted."

"But you don't?" Her brow furrowed. "I'm so confused."

Turning in her seat, Bonnie stared at her seriously. "Last year, when you came up with Stefan, I asked him something… If you two were just friends. And he said that he needed you in his life, and he wasn't willing to risk your friendship. Not now. And it made me think. You and him, you're eventual. One day, you'll just turn around and see him and he'll see you and you'll fall together. Like puzzle pieces. I know it, you know it, anyone who's ever met you _knows it_. And as your best friend, I'm happy for you. I know that when it happens, it's going to be epic and forever and that years after I'm gone, you're going to have a great life with an amazing person who loves you.

"But I had to ask myself if that was what I had with Jeremy, and the thing is… It _isn't_. I love him, I really do. And he loves me. But we're _safe_. I'm with him because he's a reminder of home and who I was and that someone wanted me, someone cared when it felt like no one else did. But I can't live my life in that bubble. I can't hide with Jeremy, halfway fulfilled, holding him and myself back. So, I made a decision. I—I dropped out of school, I packed my things into the car, and I just, I came here." She waved a hand. "I'm not staying. I don't expect you to put me up in your guest room—"

"Don't be silly, of _course_ you can stay with me. It's not an inconvenience."

"I know. And I know you mean it too. But… I think I need to do this on my own. I need to figure out who I am. What I _want_. And I can't do that with you or Jeremy or anyone. I just…" She took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. "Last year, you went on this amazing trip, you traveled everywhere, and you _blossomed_. You were light and happy and just full of energy. I want that. I want to know what it feels like to explore the world and bend it to my will. So that's what I'll do. I'll go as far as I can, see everything I can see, and maybe when I come back, I'll be whole."

Caroline stared at her a long moment, and then she reached out and pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly. "I love you so much, Bonnie Bennett. And if this is what you need, this— this 'Eat, Pray, Love' kind of thing. Then do it! If you need _anything_ … Money, for me to compel you the penthouse suite of any ritzy hotel of your choice, _name_ it, and I will do it."

Bonnie laughed, and clutched her close. "Am I crazy?"

"A little." She grinned. "But you've earned it."

A little weepy, Bonnie buried her face against Caroline's shoulder and just breathed. "I meant what I said, you know."

"I know. You don't just call someone up at 2 am and not mean all that emotional baggage you thrown down. Even if you are a little deep in the tequila."

With a snort, Bonnie shook her head and leaned back. "No, about you and Stefan."

"Oh." She shook her head, casting her eyes away. "Never mind that. Whatever me and Stefan are or aren't, it's not important right now."

"No. Just, listen, okay?" She took both of Caroline's hands and folded their fingers together. "You really do have all the time in the world, which means you could put off this epic, inevitable thing for as long as you want. But if you ask me, someone who just spent four years telling herself that life was just okay enough to pass muster, I don't think you should wait. Maybe he does. Maybe he needs more time. I don't know. But Care… You _deserve_ happiness. Whether it's with Stefan or someone else, whatever you want. But as long as you two are living in the same place, sharing space and time and everything else, you're living on the cusp of _something_. So if you're ready, then explore it. And if not… don't let it hold you back." She smiled. "Okay?"

Caroline nodded. "Okay."

"Good. Now…" She tipped her head toward the bar. "Get completely plastered with me and then carry me to that penthouse suite you offered and let me sleep it off in style."

With a laugh, Caroline said, "Deal."

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

"You look distracted."

"Hm?" Caroline looked up from her book, brows hiked. "Sorry. What?"

Stefan smiled at her. "I said you look distracted… Everything okay?"

Just the lingering doom feeling that had been following her since Bonnie's visit. That all-consuming knowledge that eventually, whether she wanted it to or not, something was going to have to change. Her relationship with Stefan wasn't stuck in a snowglobe, a moment caught in time, unchanging. It was sentient. It was a living, breathing, growing _thing_ , and maybe she had less control over it than she thought.

"Caroline?"

"Sorry. _Ugh_. Just stuck in my head, I guess. Ever since Bonnie showed up, I've been thinking."

"Yeah?" He took a seat on the couch, and pulled her feet up into his lap, fingers settling around her ankle. "You wanna talk about it?"

She smiled at him faintly. "Have you ever considered the possibility that you are _too_ perfect?"

He laughed under his breath. "Is that right?"

" _Yes!_ You ask if I'm all right, you _willingly_ get into deep conversations, you're always looking out for me, you just…" She shook her head. "You, Stefan Salvatore, are _perfect_."

He shook his head. "I'm not."

"No," she agreed. "But probably as close as a guy can get."

"I have a history of viciously killing and decapitating people," he reminded her, brows raised in emphasis.

"We all have our flaws."

"As flaws go, that's a big one."

"Well, my hands aren't clean either. I've killed witches and completely innocent humans and… You know, I know it's not the _right_ thing to say, but if we're being honest, under certain circumstances, I would do it again."

"Yeah?"

" _Yes_. If it meant saving you or Bonnie or my mom… absolutely."

"Does that make it better?" he wondered. "I mean, is it a justification? When you killed, you were out of control. You didn't even know what you were or why you craved blood."

"The first time, at the carnival, yeah. But I killed Aja. I made that choice. And the other witches that died because of it, those are on me too."

"You killed her to save your friend."

"Saving Bonnie doesn't make them any less dead." She chewed her lip a moment. "I don't know if that makes it better. I know that if the same thing was happening now, I'd still do it… Even though I know the consequences. Bonnie matters to me, and I was willing to let someone else die so she wouldn't have to. Look, I'm not saying I'm a good person, or that killing anyone is ever really justified. When you become the Ripper, when that part of you takes over, the good part of you is still there, it's just… I don't know, overwhelmed, I guess. But when it fades, when you realize what you've done and you're filled with shame and grief, _that_ is the real you. It's your humanity, who you are at your core. Not some blood thirsty, _evil_ Ripper. That's just a part of you that you try _so hard_ to overcome. And it's hard, it's _so_ hard, but you do it every day. Because you care and you don't want it to consume you. And that… That is what makes you _you_. Maybe not perfect in the general sense of the word. But… the closest version I've ever known."

Stefan stared at her a look moment, his mouth upturned faintly. "I think those rosy glasses of yours might be coloring your view of me."

Caroline mimed removing said rose-tinted glasses, and squinted at him. " _No_ … still the same man I've always known and trusted…"

He grinned then. "Okay. Enough about me…" He patted her ankle. "You never really told me what happened with Bonnie. Why everything changed…"

Taking a deep breath, she shrugged, and slumped back against the couch, arms crossed over her chest. "She wasn't happy."

"She didn't seem… _un_ happy when we saw her last year."

"She wasn't, exactly. It was more like… I don't know. Like an epiphany, I guess. She realized that her life was only just happy enough to keep her afloat, but… she wanted more. She _deserved_ more. So she decided to find it for herself."

Stefan nodded. "Good for her."

"Yeah." Caroline smiled. "She's right, too. She deserves it… We all do."

Stefan hummed, staring at her thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Nothing…" He rubbed his hand over her ankle. "Why, uh, why don't we watch a movie? I'll order some food in and we can just relax."

"Yeah?" She brightened. "I'd like that."

"Great." He slipped out from under her feet and made his way to the kitchen, digging around in their take-out menu drawer. "What are you feeling tonight? Thai, Chinese, pizza?"

"Ooh, pizza, extra cheese, light—"

"—on the sauce," he finished. "I know."

"See?" She raised an eyebrow at him. " _Perfect_."

This time, he didn't argue. He just smiled.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

She didn't mean to look at him differently. For so long, she'd been pushing these feelings down. Packing them up in her suitcase and setting them aside. But their traveling was long over. Two years of real life was their normal now, with its schooling and deadlines and career expectations. They were back to staying in the same apartment, sharing space and time and looking for every opportunity to sneak away from their responsibilities and just be with each other.

Ever since Bonnie had come and gone, like a whirlwind of _truth,_ Caroline had been thinking about what she said. About inevitability and expectation and growth and love and how it all wove itself together, like a spider web, interconnected, and just as deadly as it was beautiful.

The truth was, she loved Stefan. She'd always loved Stefan. He was… He was her best friend. Who she admired and trusted and held every man up against, only to fall flat in some way or another. Who could compare with the man that had saved her vampire life, promised to always be there for her, and followed through? But back then, in Mystic Falls, it was a mixture of idolization and puppy love. A crush that lingered, like the flickering flame of a candle she didn't quite want to blow out. That was then. It was different now. She was not the same Caroline she had been. She'd grown in ways she never expected to, _flourished_ in ways _nobody_ expected of her, and she was exactly who she wanted to be. She was proud of the person she'd become.

But Bonnie had a point. About accepting things because that was how they were, and not reaching beyond that for something more, something greater or deeper. Something she _deserved_. Caroline wanted to love and be loved. Not because she wasn't whole. Not because she _needed_ a man. But because she had love in her to give, because she wanted a partner, because she was _ready_.

Just because she was ready, though, didn't mean he was. It had taken a long time for her to even _glance_ at the idea that maybe they were, or could be, _more_. Too caught up in the idea that evolving from their friendship meant destroying it, meant putting it on the line, and she wasn't willing to do that, just like he wasn't. But eventually, there came a point where waiting became stagnant and empty and maybe even pointless. What if they were always waiting? What if waiting never led anywhere? What if friendship was as far as they went because of fear? She didn't want to be afraid. She didn't want to feel hollow or unfulfilled or like she was missing out on something beautiful and amazing.

She couldn't make Stefan be ready. She couldn't _make_ him love her. And maybe she would always feel more for him than he did her. Maybe _he_ would never reach the point she did. That didn't mean she had to linger in that state of hope, waiting on him to come around. Her life was going to be big and long and _full_ , and if that happened with him as a friend or as a partner, that was only one part of it.

So if he made the leap with her, great, if not, that was okay. She would give him a chance to take her hand and jump into the deep end with her, and if he didn't reach back, she promised herself she wouldn't hold it against him. Whatever happened, Stefan Salvatore would always be her friend.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

She started with a dress.

Stefan looked up as she walked into the room, heels clicking on the floor. She was still putting an earring in, her hair falling in a shiny blonde wave down her shoulders.

" _Wow_ …" He stared for a moment, something both distant and very present in his eyes. "Going out?"

"I am." She smiled at him. "Come dancing with me."

His brows hiked. "Oh. I… I have a paper due Monday. I was going to get a head start on it."

"So start tomorrow." She smiled. "Come on… _One_ night…" She held a hand out, wiggling her fingers for him to reach back. "Are you _really_ going to turn me down? I'm all dressed up and everything."

His mouth stretched in a slow, knowing smile. "Are you manipulating me?"

"Maybe. A little. Is it working?" She curtsied and grinned at him.

He ducked his head as he laughed. "Two hours. No more."

Caroline bounced a little on spot. "Three, tops."

He shook his head, but didn't argue, putting his laptop aside and standing from the couch. "Give me a little while to get ready. I haven't showered since this morning."

"Sure." She bit her lip as he walked down the hall, and curled her hand around the skirt of her dress, swinging it side to side. It felt like progress.

It took Stefan much less time to get ready than it did her, and it wasn't long before they were making their way through one of her favorite dance clubs.

Dancing was their _thing_. It was intimate, the way their bodies found a way to fit together, no matter what song was playing, how fast or slow the tempo, or who else was around them. Somehow, they always found each other, and everything and everyone just faded away.

Here, there was only Stefan and Caroline. Her arms around his neck, his hands on her hips, their eyes meeting and holding and letting so many unsaid feelings leak out, unhindered.

Eventually, she would turn around, press her back to his chest, and let her head fall against his shoulder. She became arms and legs and a gyrating body, sensual and tempting, a fallen angel no longer in search of her wings or salvation or anything but this feeling. This freedom.

It wasn't friendly, the way they danced now, how he forgot himself and the distance he once put between them, careful not to cross an invisible line. Instead he tread closer until he was trampling all over it. His hands sliding up her sides, fingers tucked just under her breasts. His hips fit tight against hers, the heat of his breath against her ear. Her blood wouldn't slake his hunger like the average human's would, but some part of her was eager to feel his teeth pierce her skin, to sink her own into him.

She could blame it on the heat and the music and the hypnotic feeling that was overwhelming them in that moment, but she wasn't thinking of making excuses just then. She was thinking of how easy it would be to turn around, press herself up against him, and slide her mouth against his to see if their lips would fit as well as the rest of them.

But then a stray body bumped into them, knocked them off track, and suddenly reality inched its way between them. His hands fell away and his body detached from hers.

"I'm thirsty," he said against her ear. "You want anything?"

She shook her head, her throat tight, and watched as he sifted through the crowd to the bar.

Skittish wasn't a word she would use to describe Stefan. Far from it. He was always calm and in control. Except when it came to Elena. Then that faltered, lost in the frenzy of wanting to have her or save her or whatever jumbled up feelings he had when it came to her absent best friend.

And for a moment, she felt that insecurity of her youth creep back in and swamp her. She would never be Elena Gilbert. She'd long come to grips with that and even decided that was okay, because the world needed a Caroline Forbes just as much. In that moment, however, looking at her best friend and wishing that wasn't all he was, she was girly little Caroline, competing with a girl that would always win, even when she wasn't there.

Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it wasn't Elena that stood between them, metaphorically or not. But if she were being honest, it didn't have to be Elena herself, it was the effect she had that added a nail into the coffin that cradled her hope. Because Stefan would never love her quite like he had Elena. He would never look at her or treat her like he had Elena. He would never prioritize her in a way that transcended everyone and everything like he had Elena. And while a part of her knew that wasn't what love was, it wasn't healthy or right or good. Another part of her, maybe petty and jealous, but altogether human, just wanted to be ' _the one_.' It was clichéd, she knew. But she'd grown up watching boy after boy, man after man, trip over themselves to make Elena happy. To be the one she smiled at or dated or loved. And Caroline wanted that. She wanted to mean so much to someone that nobody else mattered. Was that wrong? Was that needy or desperate or pathetic? She didn't know. But she did know that this wasn't how she wanted this to happen. She didn't want to trick Stefan into being with her. She didn't want to _lure_ him into bed with some skeezy dance at a club. She wanted romance and candle light and that perfect kiss with the perfect guy at the perfect moment.

This was not that. At least not the place or the moment.

She cut through the crowd, feeling off and uncomfortable and more than a little embarrassed.

"Hey, have you ordered?"

Stefan looked over at her, and shook his head. "No. Bartender's got his hands full. Why?"

"I think I'm ready to head home…"

He frowned, and checked his watch. "It's only been an hour."

"I know, and I'm sorry I dragged you out. I'm just not feeling it anymore." She fanned herself; the heat building in the room was making her skin flushed. "Besides, you've got that paper waiting on you." She half-smiled, and tipped her head, motioning to the door.

Stefan hesitated, but pushed off the bar to follow her out.

They were walking down the sidewalk to his car when he asked, "Sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine. Just…" She shook her head, and turned her eyes skyward. "It was crowded in there. Too many people. Sometimes I wish we were still traveling."

"Next summer, maybe. Or over Christmas break," he suggested. He unlocked the car doors for them to climb in and looked at over the roof.

Nodding, Caroline pulled her door open. "Yeah. Maybe."

For the first time in a long time, she wondered if maybe next year she would be on her own. Maybe time away from all of this, from Stefan, made sense. All of these feelings, jumbled up inside her in this chaotic mess, they could all just be confused. Something built from spending so much time around each other. Maybe a little time apart would give her some perspective on things.

Staring out the window as they drove home, she started writing a mental list of what she would need, where she would go, and how she would do it. It was a lot easier to make life altering changes when she had a detailed plan to work off of.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

"You're… leaving. Why? Where? _Why?_ "

Caroline looked up from the luggage, packed in a very concise order, clothing neatly folded and personal items put away in marked bags for easier access. "I'm going to meet up with Bonnie, spend a little girl time together. She's in France, I'll tag along for a bit, show her a few places you and I went. It'll be nice."

"Caroline, it's the middle of the semester. What about school?"

She sighed and stood back, hands on her hips. "I'll be doing a lot of my classes online. I'm not falling behind, I promise."

"That's not…" He took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest. "This is all just… very sudden. I didn't know you wanted to leave again. I thought, with last year, you wanted to set down roots again, settle in, focus on school."

"I did. I do. I just… I don't know. Bonnie's going through a tough time and I want to be there for her."

"I get that. But didn't she say she wanted to do this on her own? Find herself, without anybody trying to fill in the blanks for her."

"I'm not _anybody_ , I'm her best friend. And I won't be filling in anything. She's free to be whoever she wants to be. No judgement." She waved her hands. "Like I said, I'm only going to tag along for a little while, then I'll probably do a little sight-seeing on my own. We saw a lot of the world last year, but there's still a ton to explore."

"Alone?"

" _Yes_. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. I just thought we were doing that together."

"We were. _Are_. But, maybe this will be good for us, you know? A little time apart."

His brow knit. "Are you saying you're leaving because you need space from me?"

" _No_ …" She chewed her lip as she focused on the stack of dresses she'd folded, hands smoothing over invisible wrinkles.

"Caroline?"

She paused to look up at him.

He stared at her a moment. "Are you running away from me?"

"I'm not running anywhere. I'm… I just need some perspective. I—I need _time_. I need to figure out what's going on in my head and…" Her heart. "Can you understand that?"

"Perspective," he repeated, like it was a foreign concept. "On what?"

"Are you _seriously_ asking me that?" She stared at him searchingly. "Stefan, you're one of the smartest people I know. Please don't pretend you don't see it."

"See _what?_ "

She smiled, but it was empty and sad and it hurt more than she cared to admit.

Nodding to herself, she looked back to her bags and took a deep breath. "I didn't tell you everything Bonnie said when she showed up that night. I mean, I told you most of it. I tell you everything… usually. It's just, part of it seemed too… _much_. And I didn't think you were ready. I _know_ you're not ready. And that's okay. I'm okay with that. Maybe if I say that enough, it'll be true."

She laughed lightly, humorlessly. "The thing is, when Bonnie looks at us she sees this strange, inevitable, ships passing in the night _thing_. Like some cosmic force brought us together and we're these star-crossed lovers, destined to find each other on this windy little road full of friendship and drama and supernatural screw ups. And for a while, I told myself that wasn't true. That we were just what we are. _Friends_. And I believed it too. I convinced myself that I'd be okay with that. With just friendship. Because it's an amazing friendship, and if there's one thing we all need more of, it's friends…

"The thing is, I don't think I am. I—I don't think I can be okay with it. Not right now. Which is why I need to go. I _need_ to spend some time on my own and figure out if this is just something that happens when you spend every waking moment with someone. You convince yourself they are yours in every single way. That the day begins and ends with their smile. That nobody else could possibly mean as much to you as they do. And you do, Stefan. You mean more to me than just about anyone. I mean, nobody's going to top my mom, but you're a _really_ close second."

She zipped up her bag and moved to another one. "I don't know if I love you or I'm in love with you or what is going on in my crazy, _confused_ heart. So I'm going to go away, and I'm going to get some perspective, and I'm going to meet people that aren't you, I'm going to talk to them and eat foreign food with them and I'm going to _butcher_ their beautiful, native languages asking for directions. And when I get back, maybe things can just go back to the way they were. Before I started wondering what it would be like to wake up every morning right beside you or to go to sleep in your arms. And how _right_ it would be to kiss you when you smile that way you do, like it's a secret, like—like it's _special_."

She pulled her bags down to sit on their wheels on the floor. "I don't know how long I'll be. I already put my part of the rent in your account. It should cover me until January. I can send more if I'm not back by then."

He was quiet, standing in her doorway, his gaze set heavy on the floor.

Caroline wasn't sure what she was expecting. Some grand declaration that he felt the same way. A plea for her not to go, to talk about it. But he said nothing. Her heart sunk down into her belly and stayed there, dissolving away in stomach acid. Her phone rang with the number of the cab service she'd called, and she pasted on a smile. "That's my ride."

He looked up, his brow furrowed, like he was coming out of a confused fog. "I can drive you…"

"It's fine. It'll be easier this way." She dragged her bags behind her by the handles and slipped through the door as he stepped out of the way, following just behind her.

She wheeled her luggage out into the hall and left it there as she pulled her jacket on and hooked her purse over her shoulder. "I'll send post cards, probably. You know how much I love things like that. And I'll tell Bonnie you say 'hi' and you miss her. Who knows how long she'll be on her 'find herself' tour. She could come back as some old, patchouli smelling hippy." She smiled, but it was forced, and she hated it. "Okay, well… This is goodbye."

"Caroline…"

But that was it. That was all he had to say. And part of her got it. It was Stefan. For as much as he was good at writing it all down in a journal, he was terrible at saying anything out loud. He was careful with his words, picking them out one at a time, while she blurted whatever nonsense came to her mind at any given moment.

So she let it go. She let him off the hook. After all, this wasn't about getting a reaction or hearing all the right words. It was about her figuring out _herself_. So she took a step toward him, leaned up, and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Take care of yourself," she told him, and then she turned on her heel, and she left.

Exiting their apartment, she took each handle of her luggage and pulled it down the hall to the elevator. She tapped her foot, breathing in and out, in and out, watching the numbers descend until she reached the main floor.

If this were a movie, this would be the moment the handsome lead male ran out, swung her around, and kissed her. Where he poured every unsaid word and want and hope into a desperate kiss, pleading with her not to go, telling her he felt the same way.

But Caroline's life was not a movie.

Instead, the cab driver, a man that smelled strongly of cigarette smoke and cheap coffee, loaded her bags into the back of the cab and waved her into her seat without so much as opening the door for her. She sat on cracked leather, with the noise of the radio crackling in the background, and told herself not to look back.

She was making the right decision.

She _was_.

Chester, the cab driver, pulled away from the front of her building and on toward the airport.

Despite herself, she looked back.

He wasn't standing outside, watching the cab pull away, like some mournful sap who lost the girl. There was nothing but an empty road. And it only reinforced the fact that she needed this time.

She loved him, she really did. But she loved herself too. _More_. And in a few weeks or months, maybe she would realize this was the best decision she could make. She would come back rejuvenated and ready to fall back into their routine, no uncomfortable and complicated feelings to mess things up. She would just be Caroline, his best friend, and nothing more.

She really, really hoped so.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

"I don't know. It sounds a lot like you're running away," Bonnie said, twirling her fork in a bowl of pasta.

" _What?_ " Caroline scoffed. "How is this any different from you leaving to find yourself?"

"My trip didn't come with an ultimatum. I told Jeremy we weren't working out, that I loved him but we both deserved more, packed my things and left. No loose ends. _You_ basically laid out all of your feelings for Stefan and before he could even process it, hopped on a plane to halfway across the world. What else would you call that?"

"Well… I didn't exactly _plan_ that part. I didn't think he'd ask so many questions. I panicked!"

"You didn't think the guy you've spent 24/7 with the last four years would have a few questions about why you were suddenly leaving without him?"

Caroline groaned. "It wasn't supposed to be this difficult. I just wanted to get some distance between us, so I could think about what you said and what I was feeling…"

"Hey, don't blame me for this!" Bonnie shook her head. "You're your own person, you make your own decisions."

"I know. You're right. It's just…" She turned the stem of her wine glass absently. "Was it too much to ask that he love me back?"

" _Care_ …" Bonnie leaned across the table to cover Caroline's hand with her own. "Hey… Look, I can give you one of two pep talks. One involves telling you you'll probably get the guy in the end. If not Stefan, someone else equally hot, smart, and good. Or, I can give you the girl power pep talk. The one that reminds you that you are a kick ass vampire that doesn't need any man. You have the whole world at your feet and a lifetime to explore it. You are going to do amazing, wondering, sensational things, and I will be right there, cheering you on, every step of the way."

"That one, definitely. But only if I get to tell you the same speech."

Bonnie grinned. "Gladly. Now let's scrap the boy talk, okay? No Stefan, no Jeremy, no male-identifying anything."

"Okay." Caroline lifted her wine in cheers. "Who run the world? _Girls_."

Bonnie laughed. "Cheers."

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

Caroline and Bonnie spent an amazing and rejuvenating two months traveling together. Neither of them had any real destination in mind; they would just go to the airport, find out what flights were available, and take one. It was freeing. Even for Caroline, who preferred to have a plan, carefully plotted with highlighted passages and estimated times of arrival. Instead, they just went, and left it up to chance or fate or whatever.

She wouldn't say her time with Stefan had been any more or less fun than her time with Bonnie. It was just different. With her and Bonnie, it felt like reconnecting. Like building onto their friendship, filling in those spaces that had gone untended while they lived apart.

She watched Bonnie flourish. Let down her hair and just embrace life and her powers and the freedom that came with both. There was no boy drama for her. No girl drama either. No Elena or Caroline or _anyone_ that needed saving. It was just Bonnie with the world at her fingertips and her best friend at her side. And to Caroline, she never looked so beautiful and light and full of something that had always been missing. Bonnie had always been strong. Maybe the strongest of all of them. But she was often trampled on and forgotten and thought of later, when everybody else was put first. Caroline knew a little something about that. About being second best. She was realizing, though, that it was much worse for Bonnie.

"I love you, you know that, right?"

Bonnie looked up from her drink, brows hiked. "Uh, yeah, of course I do… Where's this coming from?"

"Do you ever think about Mystic Falls…? About what life was like before we left?"

She frowned. "Yeah, sometimes."

"It's funny. I used to think about it one way, and it wasn't wrong, exactly. I mean, we made the right choice, leaving. But when I look back, so much of what I remember is just about _me_. And I know that sounds selfish, but I think that's how all of us look at things. At how they affected _us_. Sometimes we miss the bigger picture, we don't see how we hurt other people or didn't see them or didn't even think about them until it was too late… And I'm guilty of that. I mean, I used to put a lot of it on Elena. Her and the Salvatore brothers were this—this _toxic_ little triangle, and everything that happened to them would have this ripple effect that would drag the rest of us down with them. I used to think, god, if she could just _pick_. Or if she could stop being the doppelganger, then maybe this would be easier. Or different. Or I don't even know. And I used to resent her, a lot. I used to ask myself, 'why _her?_ What makes _her_ so special?'"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I don't know what it is about Elena or Katherine or any of them. But I _do_ know that it wasn't just Elena. It was a whole bunch of things. It was the town. It was the people coming to the town. It was _us_. Not looking out for each other first. Not prioritizing each other in the _right_ way. Because you did. You always looked out for us, Bonnie. You put us first so many times, and you paid for it. You were always paying for it. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for my part in that. You didn't deserve it. Okay? I love you and you are my _best_ friend and you are so, so important to me."

Bonnie stared at her a long moment, stirring the straw in her drink absently. "I used to resent her too, you know? And you, a little bit. Not just because of Grams or Abby. But because all my life, it was you and Elena. You guys were everything to me. And then we grew up and everybody else saw how amazing you were, and suddenly I was just the friend and there were all of these ridiculously good looking boys, desperate for your attention. I know you saw it as everyone wanting Elena and not you, and maybe that was true, sometimes. But you've had your fair share of great loves too. And I… I didn't feel like I had that. I _wanted_ it. But it never really seemed to happen. It was like I was sitting in the backseat of my own story, waiting for it to start." She smiled, but it was sad. "I remember telling you not to take it personally, that it wasn't a competition, but sometimes… Sometimes it felt like it was, and I wasn't even in the race."

Caroline shook her head. "You are _so_ beautiful and smart and amazing. And I'm not just saying that. You really are. And if the boys of Mystic Falls couldn't see that, then they were _idiots_. I mean that! If I was hot for girls, you would be at the top of my list."

Bonnie laughed. " _Thanks_."

"I do get it. You're right, I resented Elena for always being 'the one.' That insecurity is hard to get over. I still have days when it's the strongest thing I feel. And maybe it makes me an awful, terrible person, but sometimes I'm glad she's not here. Not because I don't miss her, I do. But because sometimes I felt like I was the worst version of myself around her. Like she brought this side out of me that I hated. And it wasn't her fault, of course not. I just… It's like the rabbit hole I can't help falling down."

"I know. I get it." Bonnie nodded. "Me too."

"Well, if I _ever_ make you feel that way, just… I don't know. Knock me over the head or something, okay? Because that is the _last_ thing I want you to feel when we're hanging out."

Bonnie smiled. "Okay."

"Great. _Now_ …" Her eyes scanned the room. "Let's find you someone hot to dance with me."

With a laugh, she nodded. "Yes. _Lets_."

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

"How much longer do you think you'll travel around with me?" Bonnie asked one morning. They were sitting on the balcony, eating brunch, with a stunning view ahead of them.

"Why? Tired of me already?" Caroline bumped her arm with her elbow.

" _No_ …" Bonnie bit off a piece of cantaloupe. "Just wondering how long your little trip of self-denial is going to last. I don't mind indulging it. You get us swanky hotel rooms, the best food, and you're a great wing-woman… But you can't keep this up forever."

"But I _have_ forever. Remember?"

"Caroline…"

She sighed, and stabbed a piece of honey dew with her fork. "Another week. Maybe two…" She sat back in her seat. "I'm not ready to go back."

"Not ready to go back or not ready to face the obvious."

"What's the obvious, exactly?"

"That sometimes you fall in love with the wrong person, or the right person, and you just have to ride it out. Falling in love doesn't come with a safety net. It's a free fall. And sometimes it hurts when you hit the bottom."

"Wow, way to get philosophical on me."

Bonnie shrugged. "This is the Bonnie Bennett Finds Herself tour. I've been racking up wisdom everywhere we go."

Caroline grinned, and plucked a piece of pineapple from Bonnie's plate.

" _Hey!_ Thief!"

"One more week… And then I'll go home."

Bonnie stared at her a long moment, and then nodded. "Okay." And then she stole one of Caroline's strawberries. "One week."

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

"You're sure you don't want me to stay? Because I can stay…" Caroline's brows hiked. "Think of all the hotels and the food and the _boys_."

Bonnie laughed, and pulled Caroline in for a hug. "I'm gonna miss you."

"But you'll write. And send post cards. And you have to Skype me every week. Sometimes more than once, especially if you meet anybody. Like some ridiculously handsome Italian painter that wants to worship the ground you walk on."

Bonnie grinned as she pulled back. "I promise."

"Okay." Caroline bit her lip and yanked Bonnie back into another hug, squeezing her tight. "Be happy, okay? Have all the fun you can and if you need anything, _ever_ , tell me. I'll be on the first flight out, no questions asked."

Humming, she nodded. "I will."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

Finally, she pulled back, wiped a stray tear and put on a bright smile. "Bye."

"Bye."

Caroline turned on her heel to leave, the call for passengers on her flight ringing out one last time. She looked back just once, and found Bonnie hugging herself, her eyes shiny, and a shaky smile pulling her mouth up. " _You'll be okay_ ," she mouthed.

Not for the first time, Caroline thanked whatever force in the world brought Bonnie Bennett into her life. "Thank you," she mouthed back.

And then she left.

Destination: Home.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

Caroline's bus arrived in Mystic Falls just after sunset. She was exhausted; between two connecting flights and the bus ride, she just wanted to fall face-first into her bed. A cab ride later, she was that much closer, climbing the stairs of her childhood home and swinging the front door open, dragging her luggage in behind her.

"Hello…?" she called out. " _Mom?_ Are you here?"

She probably should have called ahead. It wasn't like her mom took much time off from work. But she wanted to surprise her, and surprise her she did.

As Caroline walked into the living room, she found her mother quickly trying to button her shirt while a fellow officer, at _least_ ten years her junior, was pulling his pants up.

"Oh my God…" Her nose scrunched up. "Oh my _God!_ Mom!"

"Caroline, what are you _doing_ here? I thought you were still traveling with Bonnie."

"I was. I took a flight back yesterday. I wanted to surprise you" She pointed an accusing finger at the other police officer. "Who is _he?_ "

"Oh, uh, this is Scott. Scott, this is my daughter, Caroline."

"Hi." He waved, and then tried to lean over and shake her hand, his pants still unzipped. "It's nice to meet you. Your mom's told me so much. She's really proud of you."

"I'm not shaking your hand," she told him.

"Caroline," her mother groaned.

"What? I have no idea where that hand's been, but I have a pretty good idea."

Liz covered her face, but Scott laughed, grinning.

"Well, she's honest. Can't fault her for that." Scott dropped his hand, finished doing up his pants, and tucked his shirt into the waist. "I've gotta head back to the station anyway, and you two need some time to catch up…" He walked to Liz and pressed a kiss to her cheek. To Caroline, he said, "We should all get breakfast tomorrow, get to know each other better." With that, he collected his belt and gun holster from the coffee table before making his way to the door.

As it closed behind him, Caroline turned to her mother. "What was _that?_ "

"That was Scott. We've been… It's new. Kind of… Well, maybe not _new_. It's been almost a year, but—"

"A _year?_ " Caroline's eyes widened. "When were you going to _tell_ me?"

"I don't know. I just… It was harmless fun at first, nothing serious."

" _But_ …?"

"But now it's serious." Liz smiled gently, her gaze moving to the window. "He makes me happy. He…"

"You love him." She said it quietly, a little stunned with the revelation. Not that her mom didn't deserve to be loved. Of course she did. But it had been so long since she'd pursued a relationship with anyone. She'd been so burned after everything with Caroline's dad, it seemed like a relationship was the last thing she wanted. Things had changed, obviously. "I don't know what to say."

"Tell me you're okay with it. That— That you _support_ me."

Caroline blinked rapidly. "Of _course_ I do. _Mom_ …" She walked to her, taking her hands. "I'm just a little in shock, that's all. You haven't exactly been dating much since, well… _dad_."

"I needed time. To figure out how I felt about all of it. What I wanted. And then everything with the vampires and _you_ , it was a lot to deal with it. Dating wasn't really a priority."

"But it is now?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Scott is… He's such a good man, Caroline. I really think you'll like him."

"I'm sure I will." She smiled then. "Tell me all about him."

"Later. First you tell me what you're doing back here."

Caroline looked away briefly. "I missed you."

"Uh-huh. Now the real reason."

"What? _I did_."

Liz frowned. "This wouldn't have something to do with the fact that you're in love with your best friend, would it?"

"Who _wouldn't_ love Bonnie?"

Raising an eyebrow, Liz simply waited, patient and knowing.

"All right, fine. So I ran away, hid like a complete _jerk_ , and now I'm afraid to go home."

Liz rubbed her arms comfortingly. " _Why_?"

"Why am I afraid to go home? I thought I explained that part…" She sighed, dropping her head back. "I told him. I told him everything. That— That I had feelings for him and I needed some time to figure them out and get over them, and then I just… walked away. Got on a plane and didn't look back."

"Okay… And now you'll get on a plan and go back."

Caroline's shoulders slumped. "I don't know if I can."

" _Caroline_ …" Liz caught her chin and raised it so they were eye to eye. "Be honest with me. And yourself. Are you afraid to go home because you know that your feelings aren't going anywhere and he doesn't feel the same way? Or because maybe he _does_ feel the same, and everything's going to change?"

Caroline felt tears spring to her eyes. "I don't know. Both, maybe." She laughed, a smile wobbling on her mouth. "I told myself I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't let a guy become the center of my world. But it's just… It's _Stefan_. You know? And everybody keeps telling me that it's _obvious_ and _inevitable_ and maybe a part of me believed them. Even _hoped_ for that. But what if they're wrong? What if I'm doomed to be madly, crazily in love with him, and he will never look at me like that?"

Liz shook her head sympathetically and wiped the stray tears that slipped down Caroline's cheeks. "I won't lie to you. It happens, and it hurts. But listen to me… You deserve love. Whether that's with Stefan or someone else, you deserve to love and be loved. And hiding in some foreign country because you don't want to get your heart broken, honey, that's no way to live."

"It was a pretty amazing trip," she argued.

"Even if." She dropped her hands to Caroline's shoulders and squeezed. "If this thing between you and Stefan isn't going the way you want it to, if it isn't headed toward a relationship, then talk to him. Both of you can get it all off your chest, lay it all out, and then it's done. Maybe you get a different place for a while, maybe you take some time off from your friendship. But I know Stefan, and I know _you_. Even if this doesn't work out, you'll always have each other. Some friendships, they can weather through anything."

Caroline nodded, but a frog had crawled up her throat, thick with emotion. "I'm scared."

"I know. It's okay." Liz pulled her in for a hug. "You're going to be okay."

Caroline wrapped her arms around her mom and buried her face against her shoulder, just breathing in her familiar scent for a moment.

Running a soothing hand over Caroline's hair, she said, "Why don't we order in? We'll eat junk food and I can tell you about Scott and we'll just relax, okay?"

She nodded, but didn't let go of her right away, content to just be held.

"How long are you staying?" Liz wondered, still rubbing her back.

Caroline took a deep breath. "Tomorrow. I'm going home tomorrow."

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

It would be a lie to say that Stefan fell apart without Caroline. Their relationship had always been supportive, but never dependent. He was his own individual person, capable of going through life on his own. That didn't mean he didn't miss her. He did. _A lot_.

He used to be eager to get home, just to be around her, to listen to her singing while she cooked, or watch her pace while she worked at memorizing something for school. Now he found the apartment empty. There was no singing, no muttering, no carefully put together rhymes for easier remembering. There was just a hollow apartment with nothing but him to fill it.

Throughout the day, things would happen, someone would say or do something, and he would dig his phone out to call her or text her and tell her about it. He found himself saving up stories, writing them in the margins of his notebooks, so he could tell her when she got back. _If_ she came back. And that was the thing, wasn't it? Caroline could leave for months or years; time wasn't a limitation for her. She could come back to Chicago, compel her way back into University, and pick up where she left off. The world was at her feet, and he was sitting in their apartment, hoping she would drag herself back to it. To him.

_Why?_

What could he offer her that she couldn't find out there? What could their friendship, their _thing_ , bring to her life that made her better, more whole, more _something?_ Because he knew what she brought to his life. Light and happiness and laughter. She made him feel _free_ , like all those limitations of before, that he had to be serious and no-nonsense, the person that always knew what to do and say, that all fell away. He could just be himself, a happier version of who he'd been. Because when he was with Caroline, he felt like she accepted him, every part of him.

It was easier not to question what that meant. What any of it meant. What _she_ meant. It was easier to label them best friend and never dig past that. Never question what life could be like if he stopped restraining himself from feeling and wanting more. Caroline loved with every fiber of herself, and he thought he did too. But if he was honest, there was always an element of fear, of distrust, of waiting for the other shoe to drop. His romantic past was spotted with mistakes and betrayal and secrets. Of a fear that he wouldn't be enough. That eventually they would want someone else, someone more in control, someone more _alive_. Katherine wasn't content with just him, she wanted Damon too, despite her proclamations of loving only him. Elena was seduced by Damon too, by whatever he offered that Stefan didn't have. What if that was just how it would always be? That missing element he couldn't name or have, always wedging itself between him and whoever he loved. Or his fear, sabotaging any chance of real happiness.

He wanted to say he knew the answer. He racked his brain from the moment she told him she was leaving. But what could he say? That what he felt for her had long ago transcended his understanding of love and friendship. That it blotted out his idea of what a relationship was meant to be. That she was the only person in his life that he'd ever trusted completely. That when he was with her, she made him so happy, he sometimes wondered if it was all a fever dream. That he couldn't _imagine_ his life without her, and he didn't _want_ to.

What he said instead was nothing. He let her leave and he spent the next two and half months kicking himself for it. Because now all he had was time. Time spent going over all the ways things could go wrong. All the ways a relationship could backfire. All the ways she could fall out of love with him or break his heart or just walk away. All the ways he could ruin one of the most important relationships in his life.

Fear and guilt were Stefan's cruxes. He brooded and buried himself in his past, his misery, his mistakes, because he never felt like he'd atoned for them. What had he ever done to deserve better? What made him worth Caroline? He didn't have an answer. But he wanted one. He wanted to be able to tell himself that it was okay. That loving her, wanting her, being with her, was okay. He just wasn't sure how to string those words together in a way that made sense to him. Because it didn't. Caroline was sunshine and flowers, hope and laughter. Stefan was leather bound books filled with the names of his victims, written in the ink of their own blood.

And the truth was, maybe he didn't deserve her friendship, but it was what he had, and he held onto it so tightly, _too_ tightly, because he just knew that one day it would try to slip away. And it had. She'd walked away, boarded a plane, and sent him a post card every other week.

_Wish you were here!_

_\- Caroline_

_xoxo_

He wondered when the postcards would stop. When she would give up on him and coming home. When one day the post card would be a Dear John-esque letter.

And then he found yet another thing to grieve over.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

By the time Caroline opened the door to her apartment, it was after midnight. She wasn't expecting him to be awake. It was a Tuesday, he had class in the morning. But as she made her way down the hall, dragging her luggage behind her, she was surprised to find him sitting at the kitchen table, a half-empty bottle of bourbon open and a glass in his hand.

" _Oh_. Hey. I… I didn't think you'd be awake."

He huffed a laugh under his breath, brows hiked. "Is that why you caught the late flight…? So I'd be in bed when you got home."

She glanced away and then back to him. "Don't you have class tomorrow? Little late to be drinking, don't you think?"

"The way I see it, I'm a vampire." He shrugged. "A blood bag in the morning is the best hangover cure around."

"Okay…" She took a step toward her room. "It's late. I'm going to put my stuff away. We can talk in the morning—"

"Do you remember the couple in Tuscany? We, uh, we were dancing to _Tu Per Me_ at this outdoor restaurant, and there was this older couple that stopped us, asked us a question, and when you wanted to know what it was all about—"

"You said it was something to _aspire_ to…" She stared at him searchingly. "Okay…"

"They thought we were newlyweds. The, uh, the wife laughed when I said that we were just friends. And her husband told me that the strongest love starts with friendship." He licked his lips and twirled his glass a moment. "If I look back on my history, I was never friends with anyone I fell in love with. I… I fell in love on sight. It was a habit. I'd see someone… Katherine, Elena, whoever, and there would this… _electricity_. A— A _jolt_ that would just tell me… She's it. This was who I wanted. Who I wanted to be with and who I wanted to love me and… And it became this consuming, passionate _need_. Having them, keeping them safe, being who they wanted me to be, being _enough_ for them… And I thought that was what love was. And maybe it is, maybe that's just one form of love."

He stared at his glass a long moment. "I didn't feel that way when I first saw you. I'm not even sure I can remember the exact moment we first met. Because when I met you, I'd already seen Elena, and my world narrowed down to her. Just like it did when I was seventeen and I saw Katherine Pierce for the first time, climbing out of a carriage in this big green dress…"

Caroline bit her lip and wrapped her arms around herself, fingers dug in around her elbows. "Stefan…"

"The first completely clear memory I have of you, that I remember every second of, was the day you turned. We were in that bathroom, and you were so scared. That Bonnie hated you, that you were a _monster_." He smiled faintly. "You thought you were hideous, because of the veins under your eyes."

"So you showed me yours. I remember."

His smiled faded. "And I promised you I wouldn't let anything happen to you…"

"You were always there for me, Stefan. _Always_."

"Yeah." He nodded vaguely. "I think that's the day all of it started. Before that, you were… a bystander. You were one of Damon's victims, Elena's friend, Katherine's next move on the chess board. But right there, I realized something was going to change. And it didn't happen immediately, it took time, but you became… you _are_ my best friend. One of the most important and influential people in my life. And for a long time losing you in anyway was… It was _terrifying_. Because you were all I had. Damon is… _wherever_ he is. Elena too. Lexi is _gone_. You're all I have left, Caroline. So risking that, it just wasn't something I was willing to do."

She nodded. "I get that. With everything that's happened, I'm pretty limited on friends too. And I liked it, when it was just us, when we're traveling and seeing the world and there was nothing tying us down. When we didn't have to worry about the next tragedy to hit Mystic Falls or who might be _desperate_ to get their hands on the doppelganger. It was just… It was _us_." She smiled. "I meant what I said before. I needed some time away to think, to just… I don't know. Get some perspective on me and what I want. We have a life here, and a home, and I'm _happy_. I am. But…"

She licked her lips and shifted her feet. "When I was with Bonnie, we talked about what it was like growing up. About how I used to be so _insecure_ about Elena and how everybody always wanted her instead of me. And she told me she felt it too, about both of us. Like nobody ever saw her when she was standing in our shadows. But Bonnie, she's such a good person. She's _beautiful_ and kind and smart. And she deserves love, she _deserves_ to have someone amazing that knows how wonderful she is… And so do I."

She swallowed. "I _do_ remember the first time I saw you. I can tell you what you were _wearing_. I— I can remember every time I was around you, because I _did_ like you. Yes, at the beginning, but then there was Matt, and you had Elena. And then I turned and we were in that bathroom and that tiny little crush flared up again, always there, under the surface, for the rest of our friendship. I told myself it was nothing, it was admiration, it was love for a _friend_. But if I'm being honest, I fell in love with you. Slowly, over time, over every conversation, and every day we spent traveling, and every time we danced. I fell in _love_ with you.

"And it's okay. It's _okay_ that you don't love me too. It hurts and I'll probably cry myself to sleep, but tomorrow, I'll wake up and I'll get through it. Because you're right, our friendship is _so_ important. Beyond anything else, I want us to be friends."

She blew out a shaky breath and forced a smile. "Between mom and Bonnie and you, I think I'm all deep-feely talked out… I really just want to get some sleep, okay?"

"Caroline…"

" _Please_." She unfolded her arms and reached for the handles of her luggage. "I've spent two months trying to figure out what I was going to do and say and I don't have any more words to make this okay. So just… _please_ … let me go."

"I don't want to."

Her brow furrowed. "Stefan—"

"We both know I'm not good at saying these things out loud. I figure it out in my head and in my journal, but when it's time to say something, to step up, I wait too long. I hesitate. I second-guess myself." He stood from the table and circled around it to stand in front of her. "I let you walk away the first time, and maybe it was the right thing to do. Maybe you needed that time. Maybe I did too. But I don't want to do it again. Because I spent months alone, wishing you were here. _Missing_ you. Wondering what I could've said or done or _felt_ that would make it different."

She shook her head, opening her mouth to argue, but he raised a hand, asking her to let him finish. She sighed, but nodded all the same.

"What I said before, about not remembering the first time we met… It came out wrong. I _don't_ remember the first time I saw you, and I didn't fall in love with you on sight. I fell in love with you slowly, gradually. Over a collection of moments and days and years. I didn't fall in love with a face or an idea, I fell in love with exactly who you are. Every good and bad part of you. And it doesn't feel the same as it did with Elena or Katherine, it feels completely different and new and unique and _terrifying_. But also amazing. Because you are the best person I know and for some _insane_ reason, despite knowing me better than anyone else, you love me too."

Caroline stared up at him, shocked speechless. "I… I don't..." Her eyes widened. "I mean, I _do!_ I just…"

He smiled slowly, and reached up to brush her hair from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. "It's late, and you should get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning."

"Right. Yeah." She nodded. " _Or_ …"

Caroline took a step forward and reached for him, her hand gripping the front of his shirt, and then she tipped her head up, close enough that her mouth was only a few inches from—

Stefan closed the space between them, lips slanting over hers. His fingers buried in her hair and stroked along her neck as he kissed her. Caroline's eyes fell closed and she hummed, arching up against him, meeting each move of his mouth with her own. His free arm wound around her waist, pulling her as close as she could get. She rested a hand against his cheek, sliding it down, fingers dragging over the back of his neck.

Her heart thumped against her chest, shifted and cracked open. Warmth and excitement filled her, nerve-endings firing like crazy. It could've lasted seconds or minutes or hours, but eventually, it was just his forehead meeting hers, his breath panting against her mouth, the tip of his nose brushing her own, and a moment. A huge, defining moment, hanging in the air between them.

She opened her eyes slowly, like he might disappear if she moved too quick. "That was…"

" _Yeah_." He reached a thumb up and stroked it over her cheek. "We, uh… We should sleep. And tomorrow… I want to take you out."

"Dancing?"

He smiled. "Definitely dancing."

She bit her lip as she grinned back. "Okay."

He slowly untangled from her; his fingers from her hair, his arm from her waist, but he didn't step back. "If I go to bed, you'll be here tomorrow, right?"

She laughed. " _Yes_. And I'm sorry for leaving. Especially the way I did. I was scared and I wasn't sure I was ready to hear what you had to say."

"And now?"

"I'm _still_ scared, but… Also excited."

He nodded. "Me too."

"Good." She blew out a relieved breath. "So, tomorrow… Our _first date_."

"I'll make it memorable."

"I'm pretty sure we could get McDonalds and dance in the parking lot and it'd still be great."

He laughed under his breath. "I think we can do better than McDonalds."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Okay." She slid her hand down his chest, thumbed a button on the way, and then let her arm fall to her side. "Goodnight."

"Night."

Caroline took up her luggage and pulled it along beside her as she made her way to her room, closing the door quietly.

She pressed a hand to her heart and just smiled.

And then she dug her phone out to text Bonnie and her mom, and received the expected, and well-earned, _I told you so_ 's.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

It was funny, how life could change on a dime, with so little warning. How everything she knew could be turned on its head in the blink of an eye.

 _For the better_.

The restaurant he picked was fancy. There were no fries or shakes or drive-thru's. There were red table cloths and bread baskets and wine lists and a candle on each table. There were pasta dishes she couldn't pronounce, so he ordered for her, and tiny little appetizers that probably cost more than she ever wanted to know. And a piano playing in the background, the melody utterly enchanting.

"I can't tell if I'm so nervous I'm _not_ nervous, or if I'm just _not_ nervous," she admitted, playing with the stem of her wine glass.

He smiled. "That makes two of us."

"Did I ever tell you what I told Bonnie the first day of school? Back when you were the _mysterious_ new guy…"

He shook his head. "No."

"I asked everyone I knew, everybody I saw, what they could tell me about you. Who you were, where you were from, _everything_. And at the end of the day, I told Bonnie everything I'd gathered. That you were Stefan Salvatore, from a military family, your favorite color was blue, and you were a Gemini."

"Two out of four isn't bad."

She laughed. "Well, to be fair, you _did_ tell us you were from a military family later. I don't know where the Gemini thing came from though." She waved a hand. "Anyway, it was funny, I told her we were going to have a June wedding."

He hummed. "Warm, but not too hot. Flowers are in full bloom. Not the worst time for a wedding."

"Of course. See, I knew you'd see it my way."

He ducked his head as he grinned. "You're a persuasive person."

"You mean I'm _stubborn_."

"I mean when you want something, _really_ want something, I don't think anything can stop you."

"Is that what I did with you? _Wore you down_ over time."

He shook his head. "No, because that would imply I was suffering through something. And I wasn't. Even before, when we were still in Mystic Falls, when things were complicated and dangerous, the one thing I could depend on was that you would always have my back. That I could go to you for anything. If I was losing control, if I was hurt or I needed someone to be straight with me. You were always there. That wasn't wearing me down, Caroline. You were being my friend, and over time, how I felt, how _we_ felt, it just grew."

She sat forward in her seat. "Do you ever think you stop growing? That one day you just _are_ as much as you'll ever be. Or do you think we're always becoming _more_?"

"I've had a hundred and fifty years to test it out, and I think growth is constant. If you're asking if I think you can grow out of people, then yes. Sometimes you grow in different directions, you prioritize different things, and it doesn't make either of you better or worse. Friendships, relationships, they can run their course and that's all there is to it… I don't know if we're one of those. I don't think we are. But I'm sure if you took a poll, nobody who gets into a relationship expects it to end. You fall in love and you hope for the best and you try really hard not to sabotage yourself. That's all we can hope for."

Reaching for his hand across the table, she tapped her fingers over his. "I just don't want us to regret this, or look back on it and wonder if maybe we should've stopped before we ever started."

He stared at her a moment, and took a deep breath. And then he stood from the table and he held a hand out for her to take.

Smiling, Caroline let him lead her out onto the floor, twirling under his arm as he raised it above her head. She laughed under her breath as she spun back into him, her hand on his shoulder.

"Are we going to dance all our worries away?" she joked.

"Maybe just a few. We'll save some for the next dance, and the dance after that."

"Ah, spread it out a little, give ourselves a reason to keep doing this."

"I don't think I ever need a _reason_ to dance with you." His hand swept up her back. "It's become second nature."

Caroline swallowed. "You know what they say about getting too comfortable in a relationship…"

Stefan pulled her closer, his nose gently grazing her cheek. "I don't know about you, but this feels different from every dance we've had before."

"Maybe." Her fingers slid up his shoulder and over the nape of his neck. "Do you think some things are just… inevitable?" she whispered.

He pressed his forehead to hers, lips brushing hers. "Whatever this is, whatever brought us to this point, I'm just glad it happened."

Caroline let out a shaky breath. "Me too."

He kissed her then, a slow exploration of her lips that left her feeling like she was floating. When he leaned back, she wanted to chase after his mouth.

So she did.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

It wasn't so much that the touching was _new_ as much as it held a different meaning. Caroline had always been physical. She loved hugs and dancing and took every chance she could get to hold his hand or hook her arm in his. Where Stefan was a stationary being, Caroline was always moving, weaving herself in and out and around him. He'd gotten used to that, to the way she stepped into his solitude and shook it up, carved out her own place beside him, just to exist. And to occasionally push him out of his carefully worn paths of predictability.

As much as Caroline liked plans, there was a part of her that loved spontaneity too. That still saw the world with wide open, curious, hopeful eyes. Stefan could admit that his own wonder for life had long dulled. He'd seen too much darkness, too much evil, and it was exhausting. But when all of that overwhelmed him, when the weight of the world seemed to be crushing him, she would find him and drag him back from the edge. A gentle, 'is it Tuesday or are you just feeling serious?' that would nudge him out of his brooding.

Stefan didn't believe it was healthy to put any part of him, good or bad, on someone else. But he could understand and appreciate that people influenced each other. That they left an impact, big or small, on those around them. While he may not age, he did grow, for better or worse, and in many ways, Caroline was the reason that he felt lighter, happier, than he had in decades.

They'd had a few dates since their first. Ice skating and hot chocolate; an open mic poetry reading they'd never repeat; and a play the theater students put together on campus. It was a week of just building together, testing their own and each other's boundaries.

His previous relationships were filled with that flirtatious temptation that left him wanting more, and when he had it, being swallowed up by the passion and excitement of something new. What he had with Caroline felt different. They already had a routine and a relationship; they already knew each other. So this was adding on to that, rather than building from the ground up.

The anticipation was still there, the desire to have more, to know more, to touch _more_ was always present. There was a push and pull, a subtle growth with each passing.

"Stefan?"

"Hm?"

He looked up from the books spread out in front of him, brow furrowed.

Caroline smiled and hugged her arms around herself, closing her cardigan as she went. "Sometimes I think I'll come in here and you'll look like an old man…" She walked toward him. "You'll take your reading glasses off, all _professor_ -like…"

He laughed under his breath and turned his chair.

She hooked a leg over him and took a seat in his lap.

Leaning back in his chair, he slid his hands over her waist. "Not sure how good of a professor I'd be. Or how long I'd be able to keep it up without someone mentioning that I'm not aging."

"We could add a little gray to your hair." She reached up and brushed her fingers through it. "Salt and pepper could be a good look for you."

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

She hummed, shaking her head. "No." Her hand slid down to his cheek, thumb stroking lightly. "I'm afraid you'll just have to suffer with looking insufferably young and hot."

" _Insufferably_?"

"It's a real crux being with someone that looks like you. If I wasn't so self-assured, I'd be worried about how many people want a piece."

He laughed deeply, a rumble from his chest. "I'm glad you're so secure then."

"It's one of my better qualities," she joked with a lighthearted shrug.

Stefan's hand rubbed up and down her sides soothingly. "One of many."

She stared down at him. "Charmer." Leaning in, she rubbed their noses together and let her mouth hover just short of his.

He reached up, stroking her hair back and behind her shoulder, his fingers stroking over her neck. "I try."

Kissing Caroline still felt new, like a burst in his chest, full of awe and excitement. Homework forgotten, he lost himself to the cradle of her lips, her hand sliding down his front, while the other skimmed up into his hair.

It wasn't long before he was stripping her cardigan off and kissing down her chest, his hands sliding under her shirt and across her skin. A little cold to the touch, but soft.

He dragged the strap of her top off her arm and kissed across her shoulder, his teeth scraping gently. Her breath hitched and she leaned into his mouth, nails dragging down his neck.

He looked up at her, curious, and she looked back, sliding her knuckle across his cheek.

He pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder and lifted his head, kissing up her neck until he reached her chin and teetered there.

The sun was filtering in through the curtains, collecting around her like a full-body halo, making her hair shine, an ethereal glow surrounding her.

"What?"

He blinked. "Hm?"

She smiled. "You're staring at me funny."

He shook his head. "Just… mesmerized."

Caroline's eyes fell for a moment and a flush filled her cheeks.

He cupped her face, and felt that familiar thump in his chest as she leaned into his hand. And he felt relief fill him, that he didn't keep holding on to those old fears, that he took a chance on this, on them. Because if he hadn't, he would've missed out on something beautiful and amazing and completely unique to them.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

Life outside of their relationship continued. Classes and homework and friends. Even before they started dating, he looked forward to coming home just to see her, to be in her orbit. Now that feeling was doubled.

Fingers threaded through his hair and tugged. "Hey." She leaned down over the back of the couch, an arm wound around the front of his chest. "I've got a Skype session with Bonnie. But we should order in dinner tonight. Watch a movie. What do you think?"

He nodded, and rubbed a hand over her forearm, fingers teasing the inside of her wrist. "Say 'hi' to Bonnie for me."

"I will." She kissed his cheek, patted her hand to his chest, and then stood back and made her way to her bedroom. "Your movie pick tonight," she called, before the door closed behind her.

Stefan smiled to himself, before pushing off the couch to dig around in the take-out drawer for dinner options. Knowing Caroline and Bonnie, they would be Skyping for a good hour. If he ordered at the right time, dinner would be arriving just as she was finishing.

Damon suddenly came to mind, and Stefan could practically hear the ' _wpshh'_ noise he would make in reference to his and Caroline's relationship. It didn't bother him one bit.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

Stefan looked up from his journal as her hand slid over his back and her chin landed on his shoulder.

"Here." She placed a mug of heated blood in front of him. "You've been stuck in your head all morning. You should eat."

He smiled. Dropping his pen, he reached for the mug and swallowed back half of it.

With a hum, she reached for him, catching his chin with her fingers. She turned his head and caught his lips in a kiss, licking the stray droplets of blood still lingering on his mouth. His gaze felt to her lips as she leaned back, a smudge of blood on her chin, and he took a deep, stabilizing breath for a moment. Hooded eyes raised to meet hers, holding for a fraction of a moment, before they were reaching for each other.

They stumbled from the island counter and into the living room, tripping over each other until he was sprawled on the couch and she was on top of him. She laughed lightly, stretched herself out along his body and stacked her hands on his chest, her chin on top of them.

"I have a class in forty minutes," she warned.

He nodded, rubbing his hands over her shoulders. "I can work with that."

She bit her lip to hide a smile. "There's a Sadie-Hawkins' style dance happening on campus. I'm pretty sure it's just an excuse for us to get dressed up and dance, but when have I ever passed up on one of those?"

He grinned. "Never."

"Exactly. _So_." She poked his chest. "You should be my date, and then we can sneak out early, and come back here and… not have to worry about anything for a while."

His brows lifted faintly. "Okay."

"Okay you'll be my date?"

"Okay to pretty much anything you ask right now," he admitted freely.

She laughed, and then leaned up to kiss him.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

Caroline was no stranger to sex. She'd had her fair share of partners, of which she had no shame about. Sex was just sex. It was healthy and fun and a great way to relieve stress, of which she'd often had an abundance of.

Sex and making love were two different things. The way it felt more than the act itself. She'd loved Matt, she really did, but their relationship was always so complicated. Mixed with lies and old feelings and edged with her ever-present fear of not being _enough_. She'd been in love with Tyler. And their relationship had been huge and passionate and defining in its own way. Then there was Klaus, and the wildly confusing feelings she had for him. It seemed like every time she fell in love, something or someone appeared to make it more difficult than it should be.

But this, here, with Stefan, it felt… different. It didn't make those previous relationships, or almost- _somethings_ , any less important to her. They just felt different, each of them. Matt was a young love, struggling to get traction. Tyler was a fiery love, where she found her strength and her confidence and sloughed off a lot of her insecurity. And Klaus was a path not quite traveled, but full of promise and exploration that made her question parts of herself she'd never looked at before.

Stefan was a combination of all of it. He was that first crush, when she was still figuring herself out and comparing everything she was and did and had to Elena. He was the steady hand that helped her find her feet when the world around her went sideways. The 'what-if' that lingered in the back of her mind. The one she compared every man, every relationship to. He was her best friend and her sounding board and her pillar of strength and support through all the worst of it.

And now he was _hers_. A new step in an ever-growing relationship.

There was a nervous feeling welling in the pit of her stomach. Butterflies building up a storm inside her. Excitement and anticipation and the knowledge that things were changing, slowly but completely.

His hands were gentle on her shoulders, squeezing and rubbing up and down her arms. "You look scared."

"Not _scared_. Just…" She took a deep breath. "I don't know. I don't know how to explain it."

"Okay." He nodded. "We can stop."

She shook her head. "I don't want to stop."

"We can go slow."

"I think that might be the problem."

His brow furrowed. "Sorry?"

"I think I'm thinking too much." She scrubbed her fingers back through her hair and nodded. "Take off your clothes."

He huffed a laugh. "Just like that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Did you want a little music? I'm not opposed to you dancing for me."

He bit his lip as he grinned. "Okay." He started unbuttoning his shirt and kicked off his shoes, toeing at his socks. "Is this going to be a situation where I'm the only one not wearing clothes, or…?"

"Right." She reached for the end of her top and stripped it off, letting her blouse flutter to the floor at her feet.

Stefan paused, his gaze falling to her revealed skin. "I think I liked it better when I was taking your clothes off…"

"I don't remember you taking my clothes off. I remember us awkwardly standing here, next to your bed, staring at each other."

"I was working up to it. You interrupted the process. There was a whole thing going on before you ordered me to strip."

She laughed. "I'm sorry. Please, continue where you left off."

"With the awkward staring?"

"Whatever your plan calls for."

He hummed, and then reached for her, hands on her hips and tugging her a little closer. His fingers skimmed along the top until they reached the button. "Is this weird for you?"

"Being undressed?"

"Being undressed by _me_."

"We've made out. You've felt around under there."

He laughed. "Clearly the most romantic way to put it."

She blew out a sigh. "I don't know. It's… _new_. Not weird. Just… I think I'm waiting for something to go wrong."

"Like?"

"Like someone will call or a long-lost ex- _something_ will show up at the door or an earthquake, or _I don't know_. Stop laughing." She shoved his shoulder.

"I'm not."

"You _are_."

"No one will call. No ex's are going to show up, and if they do, we are _not_ opening the door."

She smiled.

"No earthquakes or avalanches or hurricanes…" He lowered the zipper on her jeans and peeled the fabric down her hips, thumbs sliding under the lacy fabric of her underwear to stroke across her skin. "It's just me and you. Standing beside a bed. Half naked."

Her cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing and… "I don't remember talking this much during sex."

"No?"

"No." She shook her head. "You think that'll be our thing?"

"I think it'll depend. Sometimes we'll talk and sometimes we'll be too caught up in each other."

"We're not caught up now?"

"We're exploring." He leaned down and pressed a kiss between her collar bones, his hands sliding up her sides, fingers spread wide. "I'm a big fan of exploration."

"Mm, I can tell." Her fingers skimmed through his hair. "This feels a little unbalanced though. I'm down to a bra, my underwear, and _half_ my jeans. And you haven't even taken your shirt off…" She plucked at the fabric of his shirt, and, when he leaned back, started undoing it for him. "See? And you have an undershirt too. You are _way_ overdressed."

"Feel encouraged to change that."

Caroline smiled and pushed his shirt off his shoulders, dragging it down his arms, to where it caught on his wrists. She unbuttoned the cuffs then, and finished stripping it away. Hooking a finger under the bottom of his undershirt, she shuffled that up his body and over his head, tossing it to the floor by her blouse. "There. That's a little better."

"Just a little?"

She dragged a finger down his chest and along the outline of his abdomen. "I don't feel so nervous now." When she reached his belt, she unbuckled it, giving it a few hard jerks to pull it free of his pants. "You know what's a good cure for being nervous?"

He hummed, his gaze on her hands as she undid his pants. "What's that?"

"Being in control."

She tucked her fingers into his underwear and slid her hand down, cupping her palm around his shaft. As he sucked in a breath, she felt her confidence build. Shifting her hips, she wiggled her legs free of her jeans and kicked them off. Stepping a little closer, she used her free hand to shuffle his pants down his legs and his boxer-briefs out of the way. Her hand moved smoothly, exploring the length of him, gently at first. And then she slid down to her knees in front of him.

"Caroline." He choked her name out, and it was _beautiful_.

She wasn't surprised when he buried a hand in her hair; he had a small fixation with that. As long as he didn't pull on it or use it to direct her, it was fine. His fingers seemed more intent on stroking her neck than anything else.

She took her time, exploring him with her tongue before she took him into her mouth. She let her hands move around his thighs, teasing every muscle until it flexed and twitched in response. Her fingers explored the shape of his knees and the indentations of his hips, the lines of his stomach and the length of his cock. It was all new territory that she wanted to memorize, inch by inch.

And she would. She had all night. She had a lot more than that too.

When she was in high school, she used to find it a little degrading, being on her knees for someone, the pleasure only going one way. But later, with partners she felt more comfortable with, it wasn't so much about not receiving pleasure as it was about giving it. About watching his face when she brought him to a new height and letting him linger there before she pushed him over. She'd seen a lot of things in Stefan's face over the years, complete and utter ecstasy was something she was glad to bear witness to.

The way he said her name was guttural, and then his fingers were digging into her shoulder and he was pulling her up, mouth slanting over hers, a little harder than before, his teeth scraping over her lips. He hugged his arms around her waist and pulled her in until her chest was pressed flat to his own. Fingers pulling at the back of her bra, he tore it the clasp open, and dragged the straps down her arms, letting it fall away.

She hummed as his hands palmed her ass, squeezing and kneading. They turned and fell back on the bed, with her on top of him, straddling his stomach. She broke away from his mouth to kiss down his neck and chest, biting and sucking at his skin. And the words of before, the lighthearted teasing, all fell away in favor of this. A different kind of intimacy.

He turned them over and pinned her hands above her head, his face buried at her neck. Hands sliding down her arms, his mouth trailed from between her collar bones to her belly button, pressing sucking kisses against her skin. He cupped her breasts, thumbs circling her nipples, and his tongue dipped into her navel. She arched up into the weight of his hands, fingers skimming over her skin, just light enough to tickle.

He nipped at her stomach and slid lower, kneeling on the bed. Sitting up, his hands swept down her hips and caught under the sides of her underwear. He dragged them down her legs and tossed them away, hands under her knees, opening her. He kissed down her right thigh first, and she could feel her legs trembling, the lower he moved. But while she could feel his breath against her, he skipped over her center to kiss up the opposite thigh, his fingers dragging down the underside of her legs.

Caroline watched him, her hands moving from above her head to slide down her body. One rested on her stomach, fingers outstretched, eager to touch herself where his tongue hadn't yet. But she held back, letting the anticipation and want build. Her other hand curled around her breast, circling and rubbing her nipple.

His hands slid around to the tops of her legs, swept across her hips and up her sides. She was panting and flushed and biting at her lip so hard it was just short of splitting.

And then he smiled up at her, let his face hover for just a moment, before his tongue was sliding up the center of her slit.

The noise that left her throat was equal parts desperate and demanding. Slow was nice and fun, but she wasn't capable or slow right now. He chuckled a little, but took her cue for what it was. Burying his mouth against her, he dropped an arm over her stomach to keep her steady. Sucking on her clit, he brought a hand down to tease his thumb over her, rubbing it in ever widening and shrinking circles. Caroline sunk her nails into his arm, her head thrown back, as she muttered incoherently under her breath, a mixture of his name and fuck-shit-yes-damn-it and _please_.

Stefan didn't tease her as long as she did him, taking her up to a precipice and pushing her over immediately. One and then two fingers moved inside her, curling and stroking, his tongue teasing, lips sucking, and the end of one climax slipped into a second.

She fell back against the bed, every muscle tightening and releasing, and he crawled up her body, leaving wet kisses on her stomach and her breasts and at the end of her chin. She wrapped her arms around his neck and slanted her mouth over his, humming with satisfaction.

"Not weird," she decided.

He grinned against her mouth. "No?"

"Mm-mm." Her hands skimmed through his hair to his face, framing it. She shook her head and dragged her thumbs along the arches of his cheeks. "There are those clichés people always use about how a relationship just feels _right_. I used to hate those. I mean, the idea of soul mates is... romantic, in theory. Slightly terrifying in reality. And then there are people who don't live in the eye of a supernatural hurricane, and they see it as something to aspire to. Like their partner has to be made for them, carved out of marble to fit all their weird little edges.

"And I get it. Because it's a way of making yourself feel better for feeling strange. Telling yourself there's someone out there, a yin to your yang. Maybe it's a lie, I don't know. I do know that when I'm with you, sex or no sex, it feels like coming home. Not like finding that other puzzle piece, but like there's bits and pieces of me that live inside you and vice versa and when we're together, we feel whole. Not just me, but _us_. Like we create a unit… Do you know what I mean, or is sex brain making this sound like I'm just high on dopamine?"

He laughed, but nodded. "I get it."

"Good." She tapped his temple. "That's because little bits of Caroline translate my nonsense, probably."

"I like to think I'm pretty good at figuring you out all on my own."

"That too."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Caroline dragged her fingers down his neck and tapped them against his chest. She hooked her leg over his hip and flipped them, so he was on his back, sprawled out beneath her.

Stefan's hands rubbed circles atop her thighs as he looked up at her.

She leaned down, peppering a collection of kisses across his chest, the ends of her hair trailing against him. Her hands slid over his shoulders and down his biceps, fingers tracing taut lines of tensed muscle.

One of his hands trailed up her thigh and stroked across her pussy. She spread her knees a little further apart and felt his hand shift, wrapping around his shaft. He rubbed the head of his cock against her clit. Caroline kissed him, a little harder, and then leaned back, sliding her hand down to join his. Her mouth fell open on a cracked inhale as she sunk down on him slowly.

The hand still on her thigh squeezed, fingers digging into her skin, and Stefan let out a strangled noise.

She watched him, his eyes hooded but watching her. She clenched around him, an involuntary reaction to the utterly _destroyed_ look on his face. He choked out a ' _fuck_ ' and she smiled, rocking her hips in a slow circle.

He bit his lip, teeth scraping, and she leaned back, her hands on his stomach to keep her steady. She moved slowly, lifting herself up, inch by inch, and then sliding back down, clenching at random. It was a slow-building tease, testing his limitations. How far he'd let her push him to the edge, how much he could take. He watched her for a while, just enjoying it, the anticipation before the bliss. And then his hand crept up, fingers circling her clit.

She leaned down then, distracted him with her mouth moving over his, demanding all of his attention. He buried a hand in her hair, fingers tangled behind her neck, and when she broke away, he busied himself kissing her neck and her shoulders and across her collar bones and chest. And then control was taken away, or at least limited, when he lifted himself up, an arm around her waist to hold her steady, and stationary, as he moved his hips up, a little deeper and faster each time. Breasts pressed flat against his chest, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and dropped her forehead to his.

Years ago, when she was a fresh-faced seventeen-year-old who was still figuring out the world and her place in it, she'd looked at Stefan and thought of him as her new target. The new boy, who had no history with the town, who she could tote around as her token hot guy. Her first big 'in your face' to Elena. It would take years of friendship, a transformation from human to vampire, and a struggle to live and survive against the odds, that would bring them here.

She wasn't the same girl who looked at him and saw a pretty package and he wasn't the same mysterious guy that fell for a familiar face in Elena Gilbert. So she understood what he meant that day when they laid it all out. That he hadn't looked at her and fallen in love on sight. Because she hadn't either. She'd seen what she wanted to see when he first walked by. It would take a long time and a lot of growth for both of them to share themselves with each other in a completely sincere and real way. The Stefan she was with now, the Stefan she loved, was a man she had known and grown with. Someone that made her feel safe and loved and knew the best and worst parts of her. So to hell with love on first sight, or soul mates, or any of that. She would take a slow-burn friendship to lovers any day of the week. Because it made every moment of this, every excruciatingly blissful second of touching and being touched by him, that much more amazing.

Caroline came with her nails scraping down his shoulders, mouth panting against his neck, entirely wrapped around him, her entire body shaking. She could feel it from the roots of her hair down to the tips of her toes, like a flood of energy and sensation, sparking inside of her, overwhelming everything else. For a second, sound drifted away, and then a buzzing in her ears and a gust of air in her lungs. She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until her lungs ached.

His hands were stroking up and down her back soothingly, lips soft against her shoulder, and she peeled her eyes open. He was still hard inside her, and that throbbing insistence that demanded another peak rippled through her. She took a deep breath and lifted her head back, catching his lips with hers.

"Your turn," she mumbled against his mouth, before pushing him back against the bed once more.

He laughed.

Pulling one of her hands up from his chest, he pressed a kiss to her fingertips.

Caroline's heart flip-flopped without shame, and she decided they weren't leaving this bed until he couldn't feel his legs.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

Stefan would be lying if he said they left the apartment much over the next couple days. There were shower and food breaks, but for the most part, they spent as much time as supernaturally possible exhausting each other in the best way possible. By the end of the weekend, he was almost glad to go to school. They had a routine they needed to get back to, a life that was slowly but surely finding its groove with this new addition of their relationship.

So he slipped out of bed Monday morning, took a shower, and met her in the kitchen. Half asleep as she browsed the news on her tablet, she handed him a glass of warmed up blood and hummed when he pressed a thank you kiss to her hair. They sat, side by side, eating breakfast and going through their usual morning, and it felt both different and completely the same.

He kissed her before he left for class, lingering at her mouth.

"Don't forget Josef's art show tonight."

"Mmhmm." He nodded, pecked her lips one last time, and then stepped back. Grabbing his bag, he promised he'd be back in time, and then he was on his way.

Life found its footing again. Regularly scheduled classes, frequent texts to and from Caroline, overwhelmed with her love of emoticons, and later that night, a date at the art gallery that was showing their friend's unique photography collection.

An arm around her waist, he stared at the picture in front of him with a confused, and mildly critical eye. "What am I looking at?"

Caroline checked the title of the picture. "'Man's inner child.'"

He blinked. "It kind of looks like an apple…"

Together, they both tipped their heads to the right and squinted. "Eye of the beholder?" she suggested.

"I guess art is supposed to be subjective."

"Sometimes it just seems overly complicated. Like everyone's trying too hard to do something different and edgy that it all comes out looking like, well, _nothing_."

He smiled. "Damon used to paint."

"Really?" Her brows hiked. "I can't imagine that."

"He was good. Our mother taught him. That and piano."

"Wow. And the ogre has layers."

He laughed, rubbing a hand over her hip before he turned his head, burying his face against her hair a moment.

"Do you miss him?"

"I…" He took a deep breath. "I know I'll see him again."

"Even with his track record of getting into trouble?"

"Even with that." He nodded, and looked back to the photo in front of them. "Me and Damon… We always find each other eventually. It might take time, and we might be in very different places in our lives, but… We always end up back together."

"Like magnets."

"Whatever Damon is or isn't, he'll always be my brother. I like to think while we've all been doing our own version of growing, so has he. This whole thing, with Elena and Katherine and all of it… It's behind us now. If they found each other, if they're together, if they aren't, it doesn't matter. When he's ready to find me, I wanna be there. I want to have a place in my life for him to fit."

Caroline looked up at him, and slid a comforting hand over his heart. "He puts on a good show, but I think he feels the same way about you."

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "He's not my favorite person, for various reasons, but… I know you love him, and I know he loves you. If having him in your life makes you happy, I'll support you."

Stefan pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you."

She smiled, hooking her arms around his waist. "I love you, too."

"Does this mean I win the pool?" Josef walked over to them and hung his arms around their shoulders. "Are you two lovebirds finally exploring the obvious?"

"Did you say ' _pool'_?" Stefan asked.

Josef waved a dismissive hand. "A betting pool, for when you two would finally hook up. Don't act like you didn't know it was happening. We have to get our kicks somewhere, Stef." He grinned, and then nodded his chin toward the picture in front of them. "So? What do you think? Isn't it just… _visceral?_ "

Caroline and Stefan looked at each other, and then to their friend. "It's… _something_ ," she said.

"Definitely," Stefan agreed.

Josef nodded. "Amazing. It's one of my favorites."

Caroline's brows hiked in surprise, but she nodded anyway. "I can… definitely see that."

" _Josef!_ " someone called.

He sighed rather dramatically. "Back to work." He squeezed their shoulders. "Enjoy yourselves. And if you see Tanesha tell her that she owes me. I won the pot fair and square."

Stefan nodded. "Sure. We'll pass that on."

Turning on his heel, Josef walked off to meet his adoring fans.

"How much do you think they won?" Caroline wondered when they were alone once more.

"Why don't we find Tanesha and see?"

"Are you sure? This is Josef's _favorite_." She pointed back to the picture. "We should probably stand here in awe of its beauty a little longer."

"I'm still seeing an apple."

Caroline's phone buzzed in her bag, and she dug it out to read a new text. "Apparently Tanesha already knows he won. Judging by the angry emoticons she used, I don't think she's happy she lost. And she's over by 'Man's struggle to accept defeat…' Is that ironic?"

He laughed under his breath.

He stopped laughing when Tanesha told him she still had money on when they would get married, and she really needed them to be on the same page.

* * *

**…**

**…**

**…**

* * *

Later, when they were pulling back the covers on the bed, Stefan found himself wondering, "Did she ever say what she picked for the wedding date?"

"Who, Tanesha?" Caroline tucked a few pillows against the headboard and behind her back, pulling a magazine off the bed side table and into her lap.

Somehow, in the course of a week, his room had become _their_ room. He wasn't complaining. Half of her clothes had been living in his closet for years. It was actually kind of nice. He'd gone from having the apartment all to himself, and disliking how hollow and empty and absent of her it was, to having her right there next to him, every night he fell asleep and every morning that he woke up. It felt right.

"Yeah. She said the wedding pot was bigger and she wanted us to coordinate with her so she'd win. But she already had a date picked out, didn't she?"

"More like a month and a year." Caroline flipped the page in her magazine. "I guess Josef already lost the year part, because he picked last year. He thought we might elope while we were traveling. But he could still win for the month. Their voting scale was a little weird."

"And Tanesha? What did she pick?"

Caroline looked up from her magazine. "Uh, I think she picked a year after we graduate. In June."

Stefan stared at her a moment, and then he nodded. "All signs point to June."

"It's a good month." She shrugged, and returned her attention to her magazine. "Josef said if we get married in January, he'll personally photograph our wedding."

He grinned. "Can you imagine that photo album?"

"We'd never know what or who anything was. It'd be full of close ups and strange titles and abstract pictures of like loose flower petals and 'man's eternal search for companionship.'"

He laughed. "It'd be memorable, at least."

"Yeah. Definitely unique."

He hummed, and laid back in bed, watching her from the corner of his eye as she flipped through her magazine, a loose curl falling from her ponytail to rest against her neck, tucked behind her ear.

"You're staring."

"Admiring."

Closing her magazine, she turned to him. " _Staring_."

He gazed up at her. "You're beautiful."

"And you're… _tempting_." She put her magazine aside and shuffled down the bed, her head propped up on her hand. "Aren't you still tired from the weekend? I feel like my legs might be a little bow-legged, and I'm not sure blood will fix that…"

He laughed, deep in his chest. "Your legs are perfect."

"My legs are _tired_."

He reached for her, stroking a finger over her cheek. He lingered a few seconds, and then he reached back and he turned off his lamp. Caroline did the same, and when she came back, he turned over onto his back and held an arm out. She slid up against his side and rested her head on his shoulder and her hand on his heart.

"You'd tell me if all the wedding talk and betting pools were freaking you out, right?" she asked quietly.

"It doesn't."

"It's just a lot of pressure. Knowing that all our friends and our family expected this. And it's so new. So if it does, if you ever feel like it's too much, talk to me. Okay?"

"Okay. I will."

"Good."

"It's fine. _We're_ fine." He kissed her temple. "I promise."

Caroline took a deep breath, and let it out on a content hum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man, this has been such a long wait for me to put this up. i can't apologize enough for how long that took. it's also been so long, that i feel like maybe the tone's different from the first chapter, but this is just where it all led me. i had a few other pieces of them traveling that i cut in favor of going where the muse actually wanted to go and this is where we landed. i hope you enjoyed it, and i hope it somehow managed to live up to the amazing response i received for the first chapter. i'm still incredibly touched by how many people left reviews on this story. the third, and final, chapter is in the works and currently has a good 6k+ already written. :)
> 
> for those of you who know my tvd writing and my otp preferences, i'm all about bamon and steroline. so i'm sure you connected the hints throughout that suggested a little bamon in the future. i am considering writing a one-off side-shot of those two finding each other during her travels, with sprinkles of steroline as well.
> 
> be sure to check out my polyvore (sarcasticfina) for outfits, specifically caroline's dresses both at the club and on their first date. ;)
> 
> thanks so much for reading. please try to leave a review!
> 
> \- **lee | fina**

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! Wow, okay, so originally, after that lovely dancing scene between Stefan and Caroline (you all know what I'm talking about), I felt like I had to write a future-fic of them moving on and falling madly in love and getting their epic June wedding. But then as I was writing, I wanted to fill in everything before, hence, you get a giant three-part fic! I hope you liked this first part, I really enjoyed writing it. We'll be getting into the more romantic side of things next chapter! ;)
> 
> Huge shout-out to **[Shannon](http://www.arkfall.tumblr.com)** , who was amazing enough to get this back to me as quickly as she did. I start back at college for my spring semester tomorrow and I really wanted to post this beforehand.
> 
> Please leave a review!
> 
>  
> 
> **\- Lee | Fina**


End file.
